Immortal Irony 32

Having moved back to Scotland, for the first time in decades I haven’t been invited to do an Immortal Memory anywhere, after delivering it all round the World. That seems ironic. If anyone is short of a speaker, do get in touch via the contact button top right. I do reflect Burns’ bawdy side, so not for the prudish.

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32 thoughts on “Immortal Irony

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  • John Goss

    Sounds interesting. I know this is really for Scots and from what I understand your fees are reasonable. How much? That must be the question on every north of the border lips.

    Would you come to Birmingham Left Unity? I have to consult first of course.

  • Dreoilin

    I have attended exactly one Burns Supper. Oddly enough (or maybe not) in Birmingham. There was a lot of Scotch, and I got a chance to eat some haggis, which I quite enjoyed. Scotch was never my drink, but I had a fair bit anyway. There was a lot of singing and telling of bawdy jokes.

    All in all, a good night was had by all. But I suspect that Burns Supper was one of the more well-behaved versions.

  • Dreoilin

    Oops, there was poetry too. But at least 90% of it went over my head, because some of those reading (or reciting) had really strong accents! (and Burns is not easy for us outsiders at the best of times … )

  • BrianFujisan

    Yes Inverclyde are having a Burns Night..Would love to have ya.. And Wild Party Afterward, Time you got to these parts anyhoo.

    Will we Need to Know Fees… I hadn’t thought of John’s point regards…

    I seen that you met some of the Greenock crew.. at Edinburgh Last time i saw you… They are ok.. And you have me as Body Guard 🙂

  • Mary

    The Parliamentary Under-Secretary of State, Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs (Lord De Mauley) (Con): My Lords, the United States Food and Drug Administration does not allow animal lungs in products for human consumption. My right honourable friend the former Secretary of State Owen Paterson lobbied the US authorities during his visit in the summer, and we continue to encourage them to adjust their ban on haggis containing sheep lungs as part of the wider European Union negotiations on lifting the transmissible spongiform encephalopathy restrictions on EU lamb.

    Lord McColl of Dulwich (Con): I thank the noble Lord for his usual courteous and informative reply. Is he aware that the United States Government are depriving 24 million American Scots of this wholesome food, which satisfies hunger very much more than the junk food the Americans consume? It would help to deal with the greatest epidemic they have—the obesity epidemic, which is killing millions, costing billions of dollars, and for which the cure is free. Will the Minister encourage the Government to redouble their efforts to persuade the American Government to have much freer trade and lift the 1971 ban on the wholesome haggis?

    Lord De Mauley: Well, my Lords, there is quite a lot in that. Perhaps it would help if I explained that two hurdles are involved in what the noble Lord proposes. We have to get over, first, the US restrictions on the import of lamb. We are working with the US authorities towards achieving approval to lift those restrictions with, I think, good prospects. Secondly, there is the US’s unwillingness to recognise animal lungs as an acceptable foodstuff. In this regard the most promising avenue in the short term is the production of haggis omitting the inclusion of lung—and the Scottish Government recognise this.

    Lord Purvis of Tweed (LD): My Lords, I appreciate that not everyone fully understands the haggis. Once for a Burns supper in Germany, Burns’s,

    “Great chieftain o’ the puddin-race!”,

    was translated into German and then retranslated back as, “Mighty Führer of the sausage people”. Will the Minister make sure that this ridiculous ban comes to an end? If it is not too late, I see that the Prime Minister is with President Obama today, so can my noble friend send an urgent message to make sure that this visit is a triumph by having a private word with the President to make sure that the ban is now lifted?

    Lord De Mauley: Unfortunately, I cannot guarantee a rapid resolution of the problem, but I hope I have made clear that we are working extremely hard towards it. Promoting food and drink exports more generally is a key government priority. We are working hard to champion UK food and drink overseas with, I think, considerable success. My right honourable friend the Secretary of State is currently in China doing just that.

    Lord Winston (Lab): My Lords, I confess to being a little surprised that one of the most senior qualified medical practitioners in the Chamber is asking this Question, seeing that there is a questionable issue about haggis—which I, personally, find a revolting food. Would not charity be better at home? If haggis does indeed deal with obesity, perhaps we should promote it a little in Glasgow.

    Lord De Mauley: My Lords, what a good idea. As the noble Lord does not appear to like the taste of the,

    “Great chieftain o’ the pudding-race”,

    I recommend a large tot of whisky.

    Lord Forsyth of Drumlean (Con): My Lords, given the seriousness of this matter, should the Government not consider appointing a special envoy with energy and imagination to go to the United States and stay there until this matter is resolved? Could I suggest that Alex Salmond is currently looking for work?

    Lord De Mauley: My Lords, I was going to say that it is a question of priorities, but that is an eminently sensible suggestion.

    Lord Cormack (Con): My Lords, what is served at the British embassy on Burns Night?

    Lord De Mauley: What else, my Lords? Haggis.

    United States – Haggis Ban

    Little dig at Salmond I note. Forsyth could not resist it.

  • Abe Rene

    @ Craig “Having moved back to Scotland, for the first time in decades I haven’t been invited to do an Immortal Memory anywhere, after delivering it all round the World.” Perhaps, since you live in Edinburgh, they now consider you part of the English. 🙂

  • BrianFujisan

    Cheers Craig….

    Busy with this…Not fucking Happy… looking to more highland joints.

  • nevermind

    You are too far away as Stephs birthday is on the 26th. and our 30th. wedding anniversary on the 28th.

    Rather than celebrating in the quiet solemn way, we shall have a gathering/demonstration in front of Norwich Forum on the 28th, 10 am tyo 12 noon, with friends, families and past activists being invited.

    We have been politically active for over three decades and proportional representation has always featured in our past.

    so the days theme is all things proportional, for fair votes, fair wages, fair proportional election coverage, etc. We have some speeches and will go for an orange juice/beer afterwards.

    anyone who support PR is invited to join us, we want to show the candidates that it still matters to voters and that we deserve a choice of systems, not a forced ultimatum.

    you are, off course very welcome and give us a blast of your best, I can put you up as well should it be required.

  • BrianFujisan

    Nevermind…. Can you be in Glasgow…. Stillmarillion bash we shall put you up…after a Party..Sorry to be ot

  • Kirsten

    Hi Craig

    Welcome home! Having seen you speak in Ghana, I wish I was in a position to invite you to speak somewhere, but as you have probably figured out by now, there are hundreds of people involved on the Burns scene here (good, bad or indifferent). There are a few good speakers here, but not many. I can empathise, after singing all over the world myself, I can tell you that it’s not easy to find a gig on Burns night in Scotland, no matter how talented you are. We should get together and plan something for 2016 perhaps?


  • nevermind

    I have never been at a Burns night and proper haggis is sparse, but I will get one. Do you soak it in whiskey after you boiled it?…;)

  • ------------·´`·.¸¸.¸¸.··.¸¸Node

    nevermind : “I have never been at a Burns night and proper haggis is sparse, but I will get one. Do you soak it in whiskey after you boiled it?…;)”

    You soak it in whisky after you eat it!

  • Republicofscotland

    A Burns Night is being held by the Scottish Socialists for independence at St Peters Church hall in Partick, Glasgow.

    The event will take place on the 24th from 7pm to 10pm

    Jean Freeman co-founder of Women for Independence will introduce an event in the Ballgreen Hall Strathaven at 7pm Thursday Jan 22nd.

    All welcome contact Mairi Tulbure on 07841113924.

    Trade Unionists for independence, will hold a rally on Sat 24th Jan from 1pm to 3pm in st Bryce Kirk Kirkcaldy.

    Interestingly the event is being held within the “vow makers” constituency (Gordon Brown).

    Ironically the venue is where Browns father used to preach, confirmed speakers include Dennis Canavan.

    Craig above is a few events you might like attend, and possibly speak.

    After all, A man’s a man fir aw that.

  • nevermind

    Somebody in my local pub educated me today, he said that you have to first catch the three legged Haggis. If its three legged it will run in a circle, that’s a doddle, unless it is really fast.

    my question, can you bait it with something? like the lower shin of a lying Westmionster toad?

  • nevermind

    Thanks for that RoS, he seems to have been a lively, good humoured sensitive and quiet horny bon viveur. I can drink to that any time.

  • nevermind

    Thanks for that Dreolin, I shall order one now. so much easier than chasing it round the Narfuk countryside.

    Now to the piper…..;) would you believe it, our very own pipers for hire.

  • Ba'al Zevul

    …so much easier than chasing it round the Narfuk countryside….

    They only live on hills – there aren’t any in Norfolk. Due to the three legs, they never meet to breed on flat ground (and are almost impossible to catch)

    Burns was a dirty young sod, though a very fine versifier. And distinctly unimpressed by the upper classes.

    O’ lordling acquaintance ne’er boast
    Or duke that ye dined wi’ yestreen:
    A crab louse is still but a crab
    Though it crawl on the cunt o’ a queen.

    Comfortable Edinburgh Burns Nights in expensive hotels full of businessmen tend not to include that in the entertainment….

  • ------------·´`·.¸¸.¸¸.··.¸¸Node

    Oh well, if nobody else is going to post it . . . . . .

    Such a Parcel of Rogues in a Nation

    Fareweel to a’ our Scottish fame,
    Fareweel our ancient glory;
    Fareweel ev’n to the Scottish name,
    Sae fam’d in martial story.
    Now Sark rins over Solway sands,
    An’ Tweed rins to the ocean,
    To mark where England’s province stands-
    Such a parcel of rogues in a nation!

    What force or guile could not subdue,
    Thro’ many warlike ages,
    Is wrought now by a coward few,
    For hireling traitor’s wages.
    The English stell we could disdain,
    Secure in valour’s station;
    But English gold has been our bane-
    Such a parcel of rogues in a nation!

    O would, or I had seen the day
    That Treason thus could sell us,
    My auld grey head had lien in clay,
    Wi’ Bruce and loyal Wallace!
    But pith and power, till my last hour,
    I’ll mak this declaration;
    We’re bought and sold for English gold-
    Such a parcel of rogues in a nation!

    [Such a Parcel of Rogues in a Nation is a Scottish folk song whose lyrics are taken from an eponymous Robert Burns poem of 1791. It derides those members of the Parliament of Scotland who signed the Act of Union with England in 1707, contrasting their treachery to the country with the tradition of martial valor and resistance commonly associated with such historic figures as Robert the Bruce and William Wallace. It has continued to be associated with Scottish nationalism and also been referenced in other situations where politicians’ actions have gone against popular opinionSuch A Parcel Of Rogues In A Nation (Wikipedia)]

  • BrianFujisan

    Nevermind Lol…i miss you Two already.

    Node thank you for that Brother.. I think its time to post more Poetry on Squonk… now Which one.. i’m a Libran.. Time.

  • ------------·´`·.¸¸.¸¸.··.¸¸Node

    “Didn’t Burns work for the British Government? Excise man I believe.”

    Aye, Fred, but he didn’t take himself or his position too seriously. We could all learn from that, eh?

    The Deil’s awa wi’ the Exciseman

    The deil cam fiddlin’ thro’ the town,
    And danc’d awa wi’ th’ Exciseman;
    And ilka wife cries, Auld Mahoun,
    I wish you luck o’ the prize, man.

    The deil’s awa the deil’s awa,
    The deil’s awa wi’ the Exciseman,
    He’s danc’d awa he’s danc’d awa
    He’s danc’d awa wi’ the Exciseman.

    We’ll mak our maut, and we’ll brew our drink,
    We’ll laugh, sing, and rejoice, man;
    And mony braw thanks to the meikle black deil,
    That danc’d awa wi’ th’ Exciseman.

    The deil’s awa the deil’s awa,
    The deil’s awa wi’ the Exciseman,
    He’s danc’d awa he’s danc’d awa
    He’s danc’d awa wi’ the Exciseman.

    There’s threesome reels, there’s foursome reels,
    There’s hornpipes and strathspeys, man,
    But the ae best dance ere came to the Land
    Was, the deil’s awa wi’ the Exciseman.

    The deil’s awa the deil’s awa ,
    The deil’s awa wi’ the Exciseman,
    He’s danc’d awa he’s danc’d awa
    He’s danc’d awa wi’ the Exciseman.

  • nevermind

    Thanks for the invite Brian, would have loved to experience the the real thing and give us two enough time to sink/drink ourselves under the table…..:) you first…
    maybe later this year, a re enactment of Burns night at the DTRH, how does that sound? I’m sure Craig would support it and offer to be master of ceremonies…

  • fred

    “Aye, Fred, but he didn’t take himself or his position too seriously. We could all learn from that, eh?”

    Tae a fart
    Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie,
    Lurks in yer bellie efter a feastie,
    Just as ye sit doon among yer kin
    There starts to stir an enormous wind.

    The neeps and tatties and mushy peas
    Start working like a gentle breeze
    But soon the pudding wi’ the sauncie face
    Will hae ye blawin’ a’ ower the place

    Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
    a’body’s gonnae hae tae pay
    Even if ye try tae stifle
    it’s like a bullet oot a rifle

    Hawd yer bum ticht tae the chair
    Tae try tae stop the leakin’ air
    Shift yersel fae cheek tae cheek
    Pray tae god it disnae reek

    But a’ the efforts go asunder
    Oot it comes like a clap o’ thunder
    Ricochets arrond the room
    Michty me! a sonic boom

    God almighty it fairly reeks
    A’ hope a’ huvnae shit ma breeks
    Tae the bog a’ better scurry
    Whit the hell, it’s no ma worry

    A’body roon aboot me choakin’
    One or two are nearly boakin’
    I’ll feel better for a while
    Cannae help but raise a smile

    It wis him! I shout and glower
    Alas too late, he’s just keeled ower
    Ye dirty bugger! They shout and stare
    I’m no that welcome any mair

    Where e’re ye go let yer wind gang free
    That sounds jist the joab fir me
    Whit a fuss at Rabbie’s party
    Ower the sake o’ one wee farty.

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