An Apology 363

I owe an apology to all those who are kind enough to subscribe to my blog. I was determined that I would not let my impending trial affect my output, but have been unable to see that through. It is partly because preparation does take up much more time than I had imagined. But it is mostly because I find it hard to put my mind to anything else and really concentrate.

I do not want to give you the impression that I am very worried, or depressed. I am rather angry; a deep, seething anger that keeps breaking into my thoughts. I am rather worried about this. I can with fairness claim to have devoted much of my life to fighting against injustice. I was prepared to sacrifice an extremely prestigious and lucrative career to take a stand against UK complicity in torture, driven largely by empathy for the victims. I have assisted with numerous individual human rights cases and particularly asylum claims, including representing people, without fee, before immigration courts. But I am nonetheless alarmed by how much more viscerally angry I am when the injustice is against myself than when it is against another. I am aware that is very unattractive. This fury at being personally mistreated is disproportionate and quite wrong, and ought not to stop me working. I feel guilty about it.

Among the results is a very annoying writers’ block. I have been intending this last five days to write an article on Barack Obama’s failure while President to tackle institutional racism and societal inequalities in the USA, and relate that to the remarkable fact he paid much less attention to aid to Africa than George W Bush. I enjoy writing most when I am running counter to the prevailing narrative and pointing to inconvenient fact. But the lines of logic refuse to flow, the fascinating asides do not pop up, and then I remember something else I must tell my lawyers.

Please do not worry. I am not sad, and my anger does not manifest itself by being horrible to others; on the contrary, for once I seem to be particularly considerate to my family and appreciative of how fortunate I am. The purpose of this post is to apologise to you, and thank you for your patience. It is not a signal of giving up – I do not intend to wait until after the trial before getting back to normal. Please bear with me.

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363 thoughts on “An Apology

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  • Howard Elgie

    Hi Craig
    I don’t normally comment. Can I recommend trying mindfullness to you.
    Kind Regards

  • Easily Confused

    I have been through something very similar to what you are experiencing now. It’s very painful. You must focus your energies on you, that way you will survive to be here for us when its all over. No apology necessary. Just keep talking to us so we can remind you that we are all supporting you in any way we can.

  • David

    Quite understandable Craig. Your personal life and that of your family is of the first importance, and must be.


    You are doing a fantastic job and there’s absolutely no need to apologise. Take your time and do what’s right – though I am looking forward to your Obama piece, when it’s ready?

  • Charles Maitland

    You do not need to apologise to me. Just concertrate on getting through this.

  • Carol Gilmour

    You must take care of yourself. There are extra pressures to bear on every one in society. Our brains are wired to deal with the immediate perceived threat, for you personally at the moment there are different threads of these. The virus, the court case, the immediate injustices to yourself and those in your circle, protecting your family and loved ones.
    This is a time to put one foot in front of the other to survive and get through, and to overcome. Take care

  • Bob McKinney

    We are with you. Don’t worry about us and do what you must do. Best wishes,


    It’s normal to be more troubled by an attack that is directed at oneself than at others [except close family members or one’s children of course]. This is no way diminishes your incredible empathy and concern for others. It has always inspired awe in me. I remember reading in one of your books that you do not feel physical fear in the way most of us do, which has enabled you to stand up for others when most of us would be cowed.

    We will still be here when you have got through this ridiculous and politically motivated prosecution. I’m not a subscriber – but I am an avid reader of this blog.

  • Paul Eden

    Every reader and subscriber is going to understand the stress your wholly unjust predicament is placing upon you and your family. It is a wonder you are managing to post anything at all,but anything you do write is, rest assured, much appreciated.

  • Paul H Artes

    Dear Craig,

    Anger can be a productive thing – when it’s not turned inwards. Your experiences with the current tribulations will be valuable and of much interest and help to many of us: what you are going through is exactly how “the system” discredits and grinds down dissenters and whistleblowers – think of Katharine Gun. Keep up the anger — the writer’s block will disappear just as it came. Progress is not linear!

  • Loftwork

    The Chinese sage T’ien T’ai in the “Maka Shikan” said that anger arising from profound compassion and concern for others is consistent with the state of Bodhisattva. The court case is also about respect for ordinary people who are increasingly terrorised by litigation designed to prevent informed public debate. Your anger is well-placed and I wish you complete victory.

  • Tony+Little

    Always read your articles, seldom comment. But on this occasion just to say you have nothing to be regretful about. Focus on the fight to clear yourself and write when the opportunity arises. We don’t need you to concern yourself over producing material when you have more important things to deal with.

    Stay strong and take care

  • Jasper Black

    This is completely understandable what you are feeling, this shall make you stronger.
    But now we are interested in hearing how you are doing to counter the allegations and maintain the freedoms that are meant to be, we stand by you and shall do what we can to support you.

  • Thomas

    From experience this is precisely what is intended, whether you’re innocent or guilty. It’s much worse when the prosecutors have nothing to lose. Even if you win you won’t recover most of the costs and none of the personal costs, so they “win” either way.

    On the other hand whether they “win” or lose, they will also lose the appearance of fairness or the impression that we live in a free society, but again, qui bono? It seems the SNP establishment are so impotent with rage they thirst vengeance at ANY cost.

  • Tom

    Dear Mr Murray
    Your honesty shines through and your bravery is a great source of strength to me. I admire your tenacity and while I have not followed all your ups and downs ie court appearances etc I wish you all the very best. I have recently got your book Murder in Samarkand which I am looking forward to reading.

  • Steve Cleary

    No apology necessary for me Craig, whether you’re writing about injustice to Julian Assange, Alex Salmond or Craig Murray, your highly detailed, factual documentation is a shining light in a dark world of political lies and spin.
    Cheers & Beers from Steve in Sydney

  • Jimmeh

    Don’t freak, dude. No apology was called for. You are not “hired help” – for the people that send you money, it’s not a transaction. We just want to encourage you.

  • Bob+Costello

    Craig, this is perfectly understandable and you must prioritise. It is important both to you your family and the independence movement to get through this. Concentrate on the job at hand and the rest will come naturally once you get through this nightmare. Take care

  • Ruth

    It’s an honour to subscribe to your blog and in doing so I’m grateful for whatever you’re able to publish in your fight for truth and injustice.

  • Chris Clay

    you are not alone in your anger…and quite righteous anger too, that i, for one, am feeling on your behalf…keep strong

  • Peter

    Your situation, and response, is very understandable Craig, and I’m sure will be met with a great deal of sympathy and no, or next to no, recrimination here.

    You should take reassurance and succour from the wealth of support you are receiving, as seen in your open letter and the illustrious international response, and keep in mind that the writing which may be bringing you the most distress could also be that which brings the most effective, striking and rewarding results.

    Those of whom you have written and now conspire against you, in the light of the public and international response, may very well be experiencing significantly greater discomfort than you, and the outcome for them may very well be worse, though just, for them than the potential misfortune they plan for you.

    Keep well, we all remain with you – we are many, they are few.

  • Donald MacKenzie

    I think the emotions you are experiencing given the circumstannces are pretty normal. Please do not berate yourself. The subscribers to your blog will, I hope and trust, be the sort of people who will understand and will stick by you through all of this.

  • mark

    We’re with you Craig. Fuck the blog just now mate, the blog doesn’t exist without you.

  • Francis Beckett

    Craig Murray, I read you with admiration and admire your perceptiveness, honesty and courage, even when I am not sure you are right. And I know what you mean when you say you write best when writing counter to the prevailing narrative – I do that too, and feel faintly uncomfortable if, by some mischance, I find myself swimming with the current. I have some small understanding of what you are now going through – a long, long letter from Tony Blair’s lawyers once gave me weeks of worry, though it never amounted to anything, and is utterlky trivial compared with what you have done on a regular basis. The world needs its few Craig Murrays. Francis Beckett.

  • Derek Hopley

    Dear Craig ,
    Hi , sometimes reading the responses of contributors to your columns I feel guilty being an English interloper , however my late precious wife was of Scottish heritage and I am proud owner of a Murray tartan tie ! Having like yourself spent years abroad in the residues of Empire can I refer you again to the general ignorance overseas of the differences between we various Britons and the reality that many of our British feelings are the same . Continue to look these shifty creeps in the eye and right will prevail . I wish you continued courage .
    Derek Hopley

  • Jack

    No worry, we all get overwhelmed and stuck sometimes especially during chaotic times.
    Try focus on some other things for a couple of days. Be with friends, family.

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