Need A New Speaker? Now Here’s One I Made Earlier 15

Michael Martin singlehandedly justifies every prejudice we Edinburgh people have against the narrow, stunted, ugly, ill-educated, self-serving, chancing whingers from the West. He shouldn’t resign. He should be ceremoniously drowned in Douglas Hogg’s moat. We’ve paid for it, so we might as well use it.

New Labour have had two Speakers in a row. That is enough. The Liberals want to foist Ming Campbell on us, but he is already as insufferably pompous as he is dull-witted. He would be a disaster as Speaker. They offer Alan Beith as an alternative, but he’s stupefyingly dull.

I am hereby declaring for Roger Gale for Speaker. He is a former Director of Blue Peter. If you can control John Noakes, Peter Pervert and Shep, then the House of Commons should be a doddle. More seriously, I worked with him on election observation in Ghana and he is dead straight, alarmingly energetic and with a real passion for democracy.

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15 thoughts on “Need A New Speaker? Now Here’s One I Made Earlier

  • Anonymous

    We could raise money for charity by auctioning off the privilige of holding his head under. Should raise a couple of million.

  • Exile

    “…we Edinburgh people…”

    Unfortunately I have to live here. If ever there was a small minded, small town bunch of chip on the shoulders merchants as the “Edinburgh people” I have yet to meet them.

    And Yes, I think Martin should go.

  • Ed Bell


    you forgot illiterate. Listening to Remedial Martin attempting to read his statements to the House is an interminible embarrassment, and an insult to every Scot on the planet.

  • gerard Mulholland


    For once I disagree with you about a small detail.

    Alan Beith is not ‘stupefyingly dull’.

    His media averse and deliberate personal contact style of politics means that unless you’ve met him or heard from someone whos’s met him you know nothing of him.

    I worked with him during two years and he’s anything but dull. The media and his fellow politicians dislike and ignore him because he is unremittingly honest.

    He’s built up 36 years of experience at the heart of parliament and he’s the ideal man to cleanse that Augean stable.

    Besides, he has the unbeatable cahchet of being neither Labour nor Conservative but hated by neither.

  • selma

    I am surprised to see such bigotry in this piece. What purpose does such stereotyping serve? I live on the West coast of the central belt and can attest to the dihonesty of your characterisation! :p

  • Jon

    I don’t know Beith, but would support Gerald here in that ‘dull’ is often a shorthand for ‘does not do soundbites’. I suspect Michael Foot may have been described as ‘dull’ too in his time, and yet your recent post on him praised his innocence of the dark media arts.

    I fear you can’t have this both ways ;o)

  • Jives

    Haw! Shut it youse or i’ll pure pit the heid oan yeez aw!

    In the name of God go!

  • rms

    Hoi, wait a minute Craig.

    This west coast Weegie has been living in Edinburgh for 3 years and has never encountered such venom before. Mugger Martin is an example of a ladder-climbing leftie, only too willing to do his masters dirty work for a few scraps and a big pension. His toadying type are everywhere, including the East coast! I imagine his principles have been for sale since he joined the union. The great pride of ‘Red Clydeside’ has been sullied by this forelock tugging trickster.

  • Craig


    As I am sure you have rumbled, there is a fair bit of amiable winding up on this site!

  • MarkR

    er is that the same Roger Gale who backed Derek Conway MP 100% when he “employed” his sons for 10s of thousands of £s at the same time as they were students?

    Roger supported Sleazy Conway so I think you fell for some spin when you met him. Look further and Roger’s got plenty more skeletons….

  • rms

    Sorry Craig, I’m just getting a bit overwound with this topic, paticulary since I’m in a profession where quite a few of my friends are out of work and the threat of the dole is always present. To see these fraudsters dip the public purse and then blame ‘The System’ for letting them just brings out the over-pious zealot in me, to the detriment of my usual relaxed, humourous, side. Hopefully my smile will return once these cheats are banged-up or collecting their job-seekers allowance!

  • George Laird

    Dear Craig

    As I understand it Roger Gale is pro Capital punishment.

    In my opinion this stance would disqualify him as a candidate for Speaker.

    The reason we don’t want the return of capital punishment is that hanging innocent people is too much of an injustice to stand for.

    Yours sincerely

    George Laird

    The Campaign for Human Rights at Glasgow University

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