2nd Test Selection Exclusive 26


Following the humiliating result of the Oval Test, I have been given a secret look at the England selectors’ preliminary thoughts for the second test line-up. This is the probable team.

A. Strauss
J. Smuts
J. Trott
P. W. Botha
K. Pietersen
L. Voortrekker
M. Prior
N. Robben-Island
B. Afrikaaner
R. Apartheid
E Terre Blanche

12th man: N Mandela
Coach: Andy Flower

Andy Flower has commented that he would love to give jobs in the England team to more English people, but unfortunately they are all scroungers caught in a benefit culture (c. I. Duncan-Smith).

“They just don’t want to do this kind of hard physical work”, said Flower, “English people are too obese and can’t get up for an 11am start. They don’t have the skills and they don’t have the work ethic. They can only play cricket if it’s on their Playstation. That’s why the England team finds it more viable to employ South Africans. We are much more hard working and effective.”


26 thoughts on “2nd Test Selection Exclusive

  • Eddie-G

    This has been a very bad week for Andy Flower. First the test result, then some wag quotes him referring to himself as a South African. Not possible!!!

  • Brian

    The famous quote from Bradman comes to mind.

    Q: “How many do you think you would score against the current English team?”

    Bradman: “Oh, maybe about 75.”

    Q: “But your average is well over 90!”

    Bradman: “But you have to remember that I am now aged over 70.”

  • Komodo

    Isn’t that cyclist chap who is responsible for the recent rash of lycra-clad exhibitionists fouling up the traffic on nice days*…isn’t he half-Belgian or something? It’s the British way, surely. Not sure I see your point at all….
    .
    *in France, too

  • OldMark

    Isn’t that cyclist chap who is responsible for the recent rash of lycra-clad exhibitionists fouling up the traffic on nice days*…isn’t he half-Belgian or something?

    Born in Belgium yes, but Bradley’s dad was actually an Aussie.

  • nuid

    “Born in Belgium yes, but Bradley’s dad was actually an Aussie.”
    .
    Hilarious 🙂

  • John

    Just remind him that there is no such thing as a white south African. That usually gets them going!

  • Giles

    “Born in Belgium yes, but Bradley’s dad was actually an Aussie.”

    .
    Runner-up Chris Froome was born in Kenya and grew up in, yep, South Africa.

  • OldMark

    ‘Runner-up Chris Froome was born in Kenya and grew up in, yep, South Africa.’

    …and stands a pretty good chance in the TdeF next year if he leaves ‘Team Sky’- he’s better in the mountains than Bradley W.

  • Jives

    Bread and circuses abound.

    Well less and less bread for the poor in fact

    Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz……Somebody wake me up when the Lympics are over please.

  • Giles

    Yes, and Wiggins knows it. The only slight blemish on an otherwise perfect win for Wiggins was that Froome could have done it had he not been subordinate to Wiggins. He easily could have reeled in Valverde in the Pyrenees and put minutes on Wiggins, who was visibly struggling. Definitely my tip for the next Tour winner.

  • angrysoba

    Eddie-G He is a South African. Great career for Zimbabwe, but he was born in Capetown.

    .
    Then you are an Englishman and are just pretending to be Scotch* because it’s trendy.
    .
    *used in memory of Alfred.

  • Ian

    You also omitted Kieswetter. On a more serious note I remember the ‘rebel’ tours. Interesting that Gooch features highly in the England coaching set up and Boycott in the BBC coverage. It was rumoured at the time that there were those within the MCC & BBC who were unduly sympathetic towards the Apartheid regime’s cricket tours.

  • Roderick Russell

    The great thing about Canada is that one isn’t bored by endless cricket on the TV and Radio.
    .
    @Mary 24 Jul, 2012 – 12:14 pm in response to your comment – As a victim of illegal phone hacking myself let me just say that all illegal phone tapping/hacking cases should go to court, and without exception. Certainly the Dowler Case is a particularly horrible one, but I am hardy going to cry crocodile tears for the hacking of David Blunkett’s phone since MI5 (when he had oversight of them as Home Secretary) was illegally tapping my phones,hacking into my computer, interfering with my emails and mail and much worse.

  • Tom Welsh

    “Just remind him that there is no such thing as a white south African. That usually gets them going!”

    I’m sure it does. But doesn’t that logically imply that there is no such thing as a black Englishman?

  • Komodo

    Then you are an Englishman and are just pretending to be Scotch* because it’s trendy.
    Protective camouflage. Essential at Dundee U, as I can personally confirm. The ceremony of belting new PhD’s over the head with the University’s battered bunnet is conducted with a lead pipe if they think you’re English.

  • nevermind

    has Scotland got a cricket team?

    And will the olympic exploits of genetically wayward Brits be featuring on this blog for the next few weeks? indeed any of them?
    .
    Come on SA, you can do it again. In a few years time, when more black SA’s are allowed to play the game, it will become very hard to beat them at cricket, imho.

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