20 thoughts on “Help Wanted (again)

  • Jmc

    HI Craig,

    You can link this video already – here’s the embed code

    Hope this helps & thanks for being on the right side!

  • Jmc

    sorry – your comment filter removes the embed code, but if you look at the links under the video, one of them gives you the code to embed just like youtube

  • Tony_0pmoc

    Craig,

    I could ask my lad in the morning to fix your thing…but my wife and I have just got back from seeing Tinariwen at The Roundhouse near Camden Town..I am being polite..Never Again on a Sunday…Is this totally packed Underground Train going to move again tonight…yeh it did..it was even worse getting home..an eventually when we surfaced..and my mobile worked..come on be serious here..how can a mobile not work on the London Underground…even now..how hard is that..exactly…so I wrote this

    The important thing is to know the boundaries that are unwritten but we all know them…I just cannot believe I got away with that winding up The Scousers in a Night Club in Liverpool…Sure I gave as Good as I got…and then came back with a little bit more…

    Done it in Marrakech too…

    They all look at me…You are Taking The Effin Piss Here Lad…You Can’t Do That Here…You are From OLDHAM…

    Yes but I was in Liverpool and Marrakech with My Girlfriend ..Now Wife…

    And so they don’t really even look at me..they look at my GIRL

    O.K…sorry what were you saying?…We have been distracted…

    She is Looking At Them..That Boy is Mine…O.K. Fine.

    My Wife is Looking at Me….and her eyes are saying..

    BEHAVE

    So I did..and we all burst out laughing and they gave me a joint.

    Tony

  • Tony_0pmoc

    Yes The M25 just washed away…in a bit of rain…

    Look The Southern Section of The M25…I drive Quality..so who got the slush for that…you can’t even do That..its Just a Fucking Road..You Dig The Foundations Properly and You Do Not Cover it With Marmalade…so who is the cunt who walked off with that??

    Irish Tarmac is O.K with me..Seems like I am Driving a Roller rather than a go kart

    I will get my cat on the case

    She Purrs.

    Tony

  • Tony_0pmoc

    when my stuff effed up..oh yes sometimes it did..I knew before anyone reported an problems…cos I got the thing to monitor itself…and even if it wasn’t monitoring itself..(but I don’t think that bit of my design ever failed)…it would tell me..it would wake me up in the middle of the night or even at 7:00am..when I had a serious hangover…

    and all the phones were ringing..it has never failed before…

    And I thought well how the hell do I fix that..I just had to turn off all the mobiles, land lines and everything and go out for a cup of coffee and a cigarette..and think about the problem..this was about 7:30 am…

    Did anyone notice….It was all 100% by 9:00 am..and I arrived at work at about 11:00am..and got marched into the office…thinking they were going to congratulate me..for getting it back so quickly…And They Seriously Slagged Me Off…I said Read The Fucking Paper You Morons Requesting The Money For an Upgrade..what was the cost..maybe £100K..How much did the Business Lose Today???

    So they said Tony…O.K. You Now can have your upgrade…but it has never failed before..it was just so reliable…its a lot bigger now..way past it’s design limits..and I did tell you..but you wouldn’t listen to me…until it failed..and even then I worked out how to get it back..so quickly..and you try and tell me off….

    Tony

  • Tony_0pmoc

    They tried to waste us in 1995…leave us for Dead…They were losing £300 Million a Year..and I thought and 23 others thought No we can turn this thing around..so they gave me the job…I thought Blimey…So we Did it…

    So far as I can tell its working fine now…10 years after I left cos this girl keeps coming on in the ads on the Radio..she probably does TV too now..she has a lovely welcoming voice…I probably met her on a course..but no dear..I am going home to sleep with my wife. You see..I layed out my territory..sure I will go anywhere you say..but every night I sleep with my wife..Is that O.K.???

    They said Yes Tony..You Can Fly..yer what…we will sort out all the tickets..I just thought wow, O.K….This is Real..so I had to turn up in Management Meetings all over The UK Fresh as a Daisy..and They all wanted to hear what I had to say..cos I just told the truth in my Blunt Raw Oldham Way..I had experience…They wanted the effin thing to work too..and so it did..seat of your pants sometimes..blimey………………there was no way it was going to fail…

    Tony

  • Tony_0pmoc

    The Lads in Leicester got The Queen’s Award For Excellence and Industry. I was just so Proud of them….No I was not invited nor even mentioned. I knew it was just the Queen and Princess Diane would not turn up..she used to take her kids to the ballet at the South Bank at the same time as my wife took ours..such a lovely girl come on..She was The Ultimate Princess..How Coud You Not Fall In Love With Her..She used to go to the Gym write opposite to where I worked in Fulham…

    The Baaaastards Killed Her…I Know They Did..a Journalist Friend of Mine…even Told Me how they Did It…

    But believe what you want. I have no religion to sell. I am not trying to control you, nor telling you what to say…

    wtf are you doing in Scotland Craig..get it right first time (and I am completely convinced the ballot was bent)

    I think my daughter knows your wife.

    Tony

  • Habbabkuk (la vita è bella)

    Jives

    “i decided to join a reggae band and play triangle.

    I just stand at the back and ting.”
    _______________-

    Immodest as always, Jonathan.

    I see you rather as a hollow cymbal or, if you insist, a faintly tinkling triangle.

  • Habbabkuk (la vita è bella)

    “…I probably met her on a course..but no dear..I am going home to sleep with my wife. You see..I layed out my territory..sure I will go anywhere you say..but every night I sleep with my wife..Is that O.K.???”
    ________________

    Yes, yes, Tony Opmoc, it IS OK but do you really have to keep telling us???

  • nevermind

    I think therefore I am, well, I think.
    Tony’s midnight express, always ex-pressing the juices were it counts
    alcohol is a depressive so why post when you’re sober
    happy hippy shags up at Dromedar coffebar,
    why do I advertise my life, unless its all false.
    made a kite every year, but now I just let fly

    ad tedioume (Marrakech for tedium)

  • Habbabkuk (la vita è bella)

    “…always ex-pressing the juices were it counts”
    __________________

    Including on his wife’s stomach, as he recently told us.

    When in conjugal (extra-conjugal?) vein, Tony is really (to quote from the Stephen Ward trial prosecution counsel) a thoroughly filthy fellow.

  • Mary

    Well done Brian for the YTs of Craig speaking. On my machine, the volume on the YTs is better than the original Livestream versions.

  • glenn_uk

    @Tony Opmoc: Can you think of anyone, anyone at all, who appreciates these posts of yours?

    God’s sake, man. Even the over-indulgent C. Murray himself has lost his temper about this maudlin crap you write, which includes embarrassingly personal detail about your wife, sex life, and so on. FFS man, get a grip. If you have to drink yourself to death, at least reserve your wife some dignity while you’re about it, eh?

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