A Winter’s Tale: What Could Possibly Go Wrong? 73

A Turkish jet shoots down a Russian jet. Parliament votes to send RAF jets into the mix. What could possibly go wrong?

Unfortunately, things do go wrong. Cameron’s 70,000 “moderate rebels” prove either non-existent or crazed pro-Saudi Wahabbists. Mostly they are the very jihadists Russia is attacking, but we are supporting. In the fog of war, another Russian plane is downed. A Russian pilot downs a British jet. With politicians on all sides afloat on the sea of militarist rhetoric, within 24 hours it has spiralled hopelessly out of control.

A nuclear button is pushed. Then another, then another. Life in the UK is wiped out – Stratchlyde first, of course, but eventually everyone. Alone in their Nuclear Biological Chemical bunker, the politicans and senior establishment figures are the last to die. With his final reserve of strength, Cameron crawls over to Corbyn. He does not notice Corbyn is already dead, and with his expiring breath Cameron wheezes out:

“I told you Trident was useful.”

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73 thoughts on “A Winter’s Tale: What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

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  • Tony M

    Barbara that article is terrible, had Bella been hacked. Jesus fuck, I’m never visiting the BC site again.

  • Uzbek in the UK

    Trident is useful. Even only if it would make Russia think twice before shooting RAF jet.

    History does not tolerate subjunctive mood but what if Ukraine back in 1992 did not give up its (world’s 3rd) nuclear arsenal? Most of it would likely have been rotten by 2014 but if Ukraine had even 1 capable nuke it would have made kremlin gizza think twice before sending his troops (something MWF were denying but kremlin gizza has accepted 12 months later) to take over Crimea. Would he then be sending further troops to east of Ukraine?

    I like this peace talking rhetoric but reality is that when you are surrounded by wolves you must have a gun. Otherwise your well being is just a matter of time (very short time).

  • Uzbek in the UK

    “Mary I SAY NO MORE WAR!”

    May be it is time to call kremlin gizza and tell him that?

  • Tony M

    I’ve read some great, inspiring, educational articles at BC, as well as encountered thin-skinned mods, but that really takes the proverbial.

    Settler in Zionistan: These wolves, do they go away when you close your eyes?

  • Uzbek in the UK

    Funny enough I have my own apocalyptic (or not for some) scenario.

    JC becomes PM. Trident has been cancelled. Military spending cut to the point when UK have only 10.000 (or less?) military personnel armed with WWI type rifles. UK leaves (or kicked out) of NATO. National minimum wage increased twofold (or tripled?). Unions returned all their power (back in 1970th). Iron and coal mines reopened and north and wales received long awaited economic boost. ALL GOOD GOOD GOOD.

    Foreign investment dropped (who would want to pay workers that much here when they can produce similar goods and services for much cheaper cost). More and more private enterprises closed down as the result of luck of investment and high labour cost. Large industries nationalised and receive boost from government until government can no longer afford it. Iron and coal proves to be too expensive (remember associated labour cost?) and not exportable, so government keeps paying all these miners from coffins until it can no longer afford it. NHS receives government boost (money saved from Trident and military) and doctors (yes or no?) and nurses salaries increased. Soon it is obvious that money saved from Trident and military cust are not enough to cover for the NHS cost but government keeps raised NHS standards (very positive by the way) until it can no longer afford it.

    With so much spending and so little income government consider slightly cutting its public spending and increase taxes to balance the books. Miner are furious as well as generation of people who become so used to the government tit. Unions (who have been given so much powers) call for strikes. No rubbish collected, no teachers at school, no doctors, no miners, no petrol, grocery shops closed, no electricity, no water supply, no public transport. Chaos.

    In the meantime putin who by now have taken back much of eastern Europe (remember there was no one to stop him in Ukraine) calls JC to bring order to the London streets and defend Russian population (back in Dave’s time Russians bought a lot of properties in London remember). JC orders police to bring order but police spending was cut so severely that this initiative failed. 10.000 (or less) military personnel is called in but they also fail to bring order to the 70 million population. Putin’s patience runs out and he orders Polite Green Men to cross the channel and assist JC and his government. Polite Green Men well trained on establishing order (remember they have been called to bring order all over eastern Europe before) bring order to the streets of London and beyond.

    What has once been known UK becomes Novorossiya 6 (confirmed with 90% votes in referendum) joins Great Russian Empire. JC becomes its governor for life (or at least until kremlin gizza thinks he is useful idiot).

  • Fredi

    According to cockney slang all men are ‘geezers’, a special man might be called a ‘proper geezer’ or a ‘diamond geezer’.

  • Uzbek in the UK

    Thank you Fredi. But what I means is Giza. Look at putin’s pictures (especially with naked torso) and you will understand what I mean.

  • Fredi

    Hmmm. Putin without his shirt looks like a city in Egypt?

    City in Egypt


    Perhaps you refer to this? A cheap Americanism of London slang

    Top Definition. giza. A word used similarly to that of homes, thug or bro in conversation. Derived from Geezer or Geeza, but not having to refer to someone who is


  • Stuart

    More trite nonsense from Mr Murray;

    Sadly Trident IS useful as we can see from the Soviet Unions archives.


    “Maps associated with the released plan show nuclear strikes in many NATO states, but exclude both France and the United Kingdom. There are several possibilities for this lack of strikes, one of the most significant being that both France and the United Kingdom are nuclear weapons states, and as such retain nuclear arsenals that could be employed in retaliation for nuclear strikes against their nations”

    Of course though, this won’t fit with the left wings ‘Trident bad’ narrative, but it does show it up for the nonsense that it is!

    If we look at the Soviet plans their targets were non nuclear NATO nations, and neutral Austria!

    “Vienna was to be hit by two 500-kiloton bombs, while Vicenza, Verona and several bases in Italy were to be hit by single 500-kiloton bombs. [7] Hungary was to capture Vienna and part of northern Italy after this had happened.[6]

    Stuttgart, Munich and Nuremberg in Germany were to be destroyed by nuclear weapons and then captured by the Czechoslovakians and Hungarians. [6]

    “In Denmark targets would include Roskilde and Esbjerg. Roskilde, while having no military significance, would be targeted for its cultural and historical significance to break the morale of the Danish population and army, while Esbjerg would be targeted for its large harbour capable of facilitating delivery of large NATO reinforcements.”

    So ironically a nuclear free indy Scotland would in this scenario (had it been in existence at the time) would be MORE likely to be nuked as Austria was!

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