Down Again 179

Sorry for the hiatus. I am suffering one of my periodic periods of self-doubt and depression. This was caused in part by my being very disappointed at the number of people who listened to my talk at Occupy London, and subsequently by my inability to get anyone mainstream to publish a major piece I have been working on. That has never happened to me before.

A little niche on the web helps you forget how insignificant you are; try to step outside that niche and you are brutally reminded.

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179 thoughts on “Down Again

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  • Suhayl Saadi

    Remember the Goerge Harrison song, ‘Within You, Without You’:

    “Try to realise that we’re all very small
    And life flows on, within you and without you…”

  • technicolour

    On a personal blog like this at a time like this think it’s cool & kind to post saying how miserable you feel every so often. Just cheered another ex-diplomat, who was feeling the same way, up, anyhow.

    Interesting new chippy stuff and people on this blog – funny that angrysoba gets it from them (hope he is well). I would enjoy being thoroughly miserable and listen to Garbage ‘I’m only happy when it rains’ and a bit of Toccata & Fugue in D minor, myself.

  • glenn

    Pollok: “Suicide is painless” ?
    Not for the people left behind it isn’t, you jackass.

  • Komodo

    Technicolour: You trying to make him cut his throat? The last few bars of the D Minor have seen pathological optimists over the Great Divide. BWV 1060 -C Minor double harpsichord concerto- brought them back, though.
    If angrysoba didn’t attract criticism, he wouldn’t come here. And he’s the token Zionist…. 😛

  • Suhayl Saadi

    Angrysoba’s comment was the equivalent of a ristretto: Bracing, like Skegness.
    Glenn, I think Pollok was referring to the M.A.S.H theme song, possibly. But yes, of course you are right.
    Technicolour, Komodo, Vronsky et al, how about somthing oblique and angular by Xenakis to wake one up and scumble one’s ideas, or else ‘Kindertotenleider’ (?sp) for some creepy vibes? Or perhaps, wall-to-wall Leonard Cohen…

  • Komodo

    Anything by Infected Mushroom (they’re Israeli, too!) does the scumbling for me. Xenakis is far too clever. Gimme riddym…

  • Franz

    With the official dumbing down of Channel 4 News just announced (, Craig, your blog is the place I shall be coming to for news.

    In times like these, with the world about to plunge into an unprecedented energy, financial and geopolitical crisis, you can’t expect to be welcomed by the mainstream media. Take it as a compliment. It’s the quality of your following that counts Craig, not the size.

    PS I’ve suffered from depression and the small number of “snap out of it” posters would do well to understand the issue before commenting on it.

  • angrysoba

    Suicide is painless…

    As Glenn says, this is not true for loved ones who are left bewildered and often guilt-ridden that they hadn’t realized how serious things were and weren’t able to prevent it. A terrible thing to say to someone who is depressed.

  • Hydraargyrum

    Craig, that you are being ignored is a measure of how well you are doing. Your analyses are excellent. Keep up the quality writing. I have my moments, too, and usually end up immersing myself in my horticultural hobby/addiction. 🙂 Find something that clears your mind periodically. Yesterday I planted garlic, works for me!!!!

  • anno

    The success of China is due, apart from their drive and ambition etc, to their avoidance of banking crime, as we now understand it post-crash, i.e. the pocketing of the money in the banks until there’s nothing left.

  • nuid

    “In a “faux pas” for the ages, President Barack Obama conducted what he assumed was a private conversation about Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu with French President Nicolas Sarkozy after the G20 summit on Thursday. The only problem, however, was that the microphones the two men were wearing from their earlier press conference, had not in fact been turned off. What ensued was a major public embarrassment after both Obama and the French PM disparaged Netanyahu, saying they cannot “stand” dealing with him.
    “According to a Monday report in the French website “Arret sur Images,” Sarkozy told Obama, “I cannot stand him [Netanyahu]. He is a liar.” Rather than exercising diplomacy, however, Obama hopped on the bash-wagon, reportedly telling Sarkozy: “You’re fed up with him, but I have to deal with him every day!”
    According to Ynet: “The surprising lack of coverage may be explained by a report alleging that reporters present at the event were requested to sign an agreement to keep mum on the subject of the embarrassing comments.”
    Read in full here:
    (Poor old Gordon isn’t the only one.)

  • Margo

    Craig. In the end you have to remember that it’s all a game. ‘A poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, Full of sound and fury, Signifying nothing.’

    Best wishes for your recovery.

  • DonnyDarko

    Don’t worry Craig !! It’s the time of year ! It does make one introspective.
    You are still a flicker of light that is appreciated by many.Don’t underestimate yourself.
    I do not think that you will ever be satisfied but your observations and words like a butterfly’s wings will make a difference.
    Don’t stop ! And don’t stop taking the medicine either.
    Lang mae yir lum reek !!

  • Neil

    Its the change in the weather. I think you did a brilliant job with the Liam Fox story. Have a few days rest and listen to some music. Things will cheer up shortly. Been there, done that, though not bipolar myself however I know its tough for friends of mine who are.

  • Janet

    I don’t usually blog, but I follow you here every day and I went to see you at St Pauls. I thought your talk was spot on. It said everything I think, but in a much more analytical way than I could have done. It did deserve a wider audience, but it wasn’t really advertised outside your blog and when I got there the “Organisers” (?) didn’t seem to know anything about it and the entrance to the tent was far from obvious. In one way this shambolic aspect was heartening , because it means that the protest hasn’t ( yet) been taken over by the usual suspects, but I also found it a bit disappointing. That said, yout talk was great. Keep going . We need you.

    PS I’m the woman who gave you “Asylum”

  • Komodo

    Nuid: Beck.

    The intention is to disparage Obama, not Netanyahu. His target audience thinks the light shines out of Netanyahu.
    If Obama says X, he is a commie. If Obama says -X, he is a lying commie. Thanks for the concept, angrysoba.

  • Komodo

    Mind you, even Beck’s audience shows occasional signs of sentience – one of the comments under the article:
    [teabag avatar]
    “Bible Quotin’ Science Fearin’ Conservative American
    Posted on November 7, 2011 at 10:24pm

    Who cares? Israel needs to get off the U.S. teat anyway. Freeloaders leeching off of us because SOME people here believe in fairytales of Israel’s importance.

    How about you grown ups who still believe in fairytales support your beloved Israel with DONATIONS instead of all of our tax dollars? It sure would suit me not to have to involuntarily pay to support your superstitions. Especially since you cry and moan if any tax money goes to something you don’t support. Fools.”

  • mary

    It is no wonder that ‘war’ is embedded in the psyche now.
    ‘The secret to the success of the Call of Duty games – so-called first-person shooters – is two-pronged. When played solo, they provide a cinematic spectacle, studded with explosions, exotic settings and nerve-wracking cliffhangers. But the experience they offer online, when played with or against other humans, is so compelling that they dominate all other games.
    In the year since Black Ops launched, people have spent more than 2.6bn hours playing it via online services such as Microsoft’s Xbox Live and Sony’s PlayStation Network. Worldwide, on average, more than 19 million people play a Call of Duty game online every month, and 6.5 million each day.’

    There were three day queues at game stores in London apparently.
    Messieurs Jean-Bernard Lévy (Chairman), Michael J. Griffith(Vice Chairman) and Robert Kotick (President and CEO) doing very nicely. Turnover $4.5 billion pa

  • havantaclu


    “Suicide is painless” ?
    ‘ Not for the people left behind it isn’t, you jackass’

    That includes us, BTW.


    Yes, I should have said the plutocracies rather than globalisation. That people in India, China and elsewhere are benefiting from the latter, however, doesn’t mean that they won’t suffer from the former. I wrote in a hurry, and it showed.

    Forgive an elderly lady, please. I suppose I’m trying to reinvigorate the days of my youth – which ended when the spoil-heap collapsed on the village of Aberfan. I’ve lived for a long time with those memories (I was there for several days), and know exactly where Craig is coming from now.

  • John Goss

    At this time of year when we remember the fallen it is good to remember too those who suffered for standing against killing. I am trying to get further support for a young Christian who has acted out the Christian message by refusing to kill so please add your support for Michael Lyons, who is due to be released from military prison tomorrow, by ticking the like box. Thanks.

  • NomadUK

    Craig, I know a little of what you’re going through, though perhaps not to as great an extent. My son suffers from depression very much as deep as yours. And I also know that it often doesn’t make much difference if people tell you all sorts of good things about yourself and what you do — one doesn’t feel like believing them. But maybe just the fact that so many people do say something at all is what’s important — not so much what they say, but that they say it, and in such numbers.

    You will have to dig down into yourself and pull yourself back up — in your own time, at your own speed. But do know that there are people who admire you and who are proud to call you an acquaintance, a colleague, or a friend — even if we have never met you in person. That knowledge may or may not help, but there it is.

    Hang in there. It’s often darkest just before the dawn.

  • ingo

    In the lighht of the embarrasing absence of oversight by Ms. may, more concerned about her shoes and looks as for the Home office, border agency, emigration and human rights.
    In the light of the incompetence shown, should the deportation of Nina and Nikki Malyshev to Uzbekistan not be revisited?

    The complete absence of any reality in their court statement, the political connotations behind Babar Ahmeds case, it all smacks of incompetence.
    This on human rights in the UK. Should we really preach to others, are we any better than Sri Lanka’s torturous regime?

  • nuid

    “ Beck”
    Is it really? Never mind. I thought the story was funny, irrespective of where it came from. Modern tech does have its moments.
    BTW, is that asshole Beck still broadcasting anywhere?

  • Banksie

    Craig, hang in there. You are a beacon of light in a sea of darkness and disinformation. keep up the good work and don’t let the bastards grind you down!

  • Peter

    Craig, your comments are astute and accurate. The fact that mainstream has problems digesting the truth should not be a reflection of your self worth. Mr. Murray you are very highly regarded for your insight within this community judging by the quality of the comments I have read from people that seem to me to be very erudite. I love what you do so don’t lose heart as there are many that would agree with me. Keep fighting the black dog.

  • Voila

    You defended one asylum seeker from Uzbekistan a couple years ago and i raised concerns at that time that he might be a watchman for so many other dissidents from Uzbekistan who have settled here in the UK.
    I also have concerns about some commenters here on your blog who deliberately name themselves as citizens of Uzbekistan and thus compromise safety other ordinary uzbeks when they return to their country.

  • mary

    From another fighter for the truth, Chris Hedges.
    A brilliant piece –
    Finding Freedom in Handcuffs
    Faces appeared to me moments before the New York City police arrested us Thursday in front of Goldman Sachs. They were not the faces of the smug Goldman Sachs employees, who peered at us through the revolving glass doors and lobby windows, a pathetic collection of middle-aged fraternity and sorority members.
    They were not the faces of the blue-uniformed police with their dangling cords of white and black plastic handcuffs, or the thuggish Goldman Sachs security personnel, whose buzz cuts and dead eyes reminded me of the East German secret police, the Stasi. They were not the faces of the demonstrators around me, the ones with massive student debts and no jobs, the ones whose broken dreams weigh them down like a cross, the ones whose anger and betrayal triggered the street demonstrations and occupations for justice. They were not the faces of the onlookers—the construction workers, who seemed cheered by the march on Goldman Sachs, or the suited businessmen who did not.
    They were faraway faces. They were the faces of children dying. They were tiny, confused, bewildered faces I had seen in the southern Sudan, Gaza and the slums of Brazzaville, Nairobi, Cairo and Delhi and the wars I covered. They were faces with large, glassy eyes, above bloated bellies. They were the small faces of children convulsed by the ravages of starvation and disease.

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