Buggering the Valet 212

The row over Prince Charles in Canada reminded me of the role of the Royal Family in personifying those timeless traditions which comprise the spine of British culture.  One of these great Royal traditions, which has continued right down to the present generations, is buggering the valet.

31 May should be a national holiday in celebration of this great tradition. We should call it Bugger the Valet day.  On 31 May 1810 Ernest Duke of Cumberland, fifth son of George III, was buggering his valet Neale.   While Cumberland was fully engaged, another servant named Sellis impertinently entered the room.  Naturally the Duke, having ordered Sellis to wait and be spoken to, took out his sword and ran Sellis through seven times. Sellis remained impertinent, and even after being stabbed the first time, had the temerity to grab a candlestick and hit the Duke hard on the face, inflicting a disfiguring wound.  This of course is described in official histories (and I see on Wikipedia) as having been received in the Napoleonic Wars.

Over the years, seven journalists were imprisoned for publishing an account of Sellis’ death.  The Duke failed to pay Neale the money he had promised him to lie that Sellis had attacked the Duke, and subsequently Neale talked rather a lot.  The first journalist imprisoned, Henry White, died of disease contracted in prison. Henry White deserves to be remembered.

Cumberland was to marry a woman very widely believed across the German speaking world to be herself a murderess, Princess Frederica of Mecklenburg Strelitz, whose two earlier husbands had died, the second particularly unexpectedly and conveniently.

During the reign of King William IV, Cumberland was second in line to the throne after Victoria.  Victoria’s widowed mother, the Duchess of Kent, was shagging her Private Secretary, Sir John Conroy.  Actually every summer in Victoria’s teens they did their shagging in Townley House, which I can see now from my study window.

Ten months of the year they lived in Kensington Palace, and Conroy put Victoria into seclusion.  Conroy was hated – he was far too middle class to be shagging a Duchess.  There was a successful film by that awful far right “Lord” Julian Fellowes a few years ago called The Young Victoria.  Conroy was portrayed as a caricature villain, and conventional historians have accepted the monarchist line that his seclusion of Victoria was to maximize his own influence of control.

What Conroy himself said, and is almost never published, was that he was keeping Victoria under very close guard because he was terrified she would be poisoned or otherwise murdered by the heir to the throne after her, her uncle Cumberland, and his wife. Where this is ever mentioned by historians, it is to ridicule it as a crazy pretext.

In fact Cumberland was a murderer,  and Frederica very probably was too.  Conroy was absolutely right to protect Victoria from Cumberland.  What the establishment would not admit then or now was that there was a very real reason for Conroy to apprehend this danger.   Ernest Duke of Cumberland had killed Sellis.  His wife Frederica was reputed throughout Europe to have poisoned her second husband in order to marry Ernest and gain the possibility of becoming Queen of England.  Only Victoria stood between them and the throne, in an age of high mortality.

When William IV died, Victoria became Queen but as a female could not inherit the other Kingdom of Hanover.  Cumberland therefore became King Ernest of Hanover.  He abolished parliament and persecuted those regarded as liberal, including the Brothers Grimm who he dismissed from their University posts.

Ahh, our beloved Royal family! Remember – 31 May is Bugger the Valet Day.

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212 thoughts on “Buggering the Valet

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  • Mary

    So what did the other 66% think? It’s all a joke especially hearing the pocket pols’ giving their claims and interpretations of the results earlier this morning. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/events/vote2014/eu-uk-results

    One good thing. Zionist Israel supporting LD Sarah Ludford got the order of the boot in London.
    London MEP Sarah Ludford meets Israeli President Shimon Peres http://www.sarahludfordmep.org.uk/node/2189

    Sadly Zionist Israel supporting Con Nirj Deva got back in the SE. You should see his reply to me concerning support for Israel within the EU… EU-Israel Conformity Assessment … The EU‑Israel Conformity Assessment and Acceptance of … of Industrial Products (ACCA) agreement

    Both were on this 2009 list . Probably the same still applies if they were still there this year. It’s called ‘Keeping it in the family’.

    MEPs who employ family members:
    Brian Simpson – Lab – Son Mark £26,000-£36,000, wife Linda £10,000-£12,000
    Sir Robert Atkins – Con – Wife Lady Atkins £30,000-£39,999
    Nirj Deva – Con – Wife Indra £30,000-£39,999
    Stephen Hughes – Lab – Wife Cynthia Beaver £30,000-£40,000
    Charles Tannock – Con –Wife Silvia Janicinova £30,000-£39,999
    Michael Cashman – Lab – Civil partner Paul Cottingham £30,000
    Timothy Kirkhope – Con – Wife Caroline £20,000-£29,999
    Diana Wallis – Lib Dem – Husband Stewart Arnold £20,000-£25,000
    Roger Helmer – Con – Wife Sara £10-£20,000
    Graham Watson – Lib Dem – Wife Rita Giannini-Watson £10,000-£20,000
    Glenis Willmott – Lab – Husband Edward Willmott £10,000-£20,000
    Giles Chichester – Con – Wife Virginia £10,000-19,999
    Martin Callanan – Con – Wife Jayne Burton £0-£10,000
    Geoffrey van Orden – Con – Wife Frances £0-10,000
    Baroness (Sarah) Ludford – Lib Dem – Husband Steve Hitchins
    Nigel Farage – UKIP – Wife Kirsten
    Godfrey Bloom – UKIP – Niece Victoria Skowronek

  • doug scorgie

    “David Starkey: Alex Salmond is a ‘Caledonian Hitler’

    “He said Mr Salmond thinks that “the English, like the Jews, are everywhere”, before arguing that Hitler was “more democratically elected”.


    Starkey is of course one of our respected establishment historians.

    Should we believe his version of history?

    “The historian and broadcaster David Starkey has provoked a storm of criticism after claiming during a televised discussion about the riots that “the problem is that the whites have become black”.


  • doug scorgie

    26 May, 2014 – 12:12 am

    “Venezuela: Yes. Maduro would be dead in less than a minute.”

    True Ben

    The CIA are just waiting for the opportunity

  • nevermind

    Cameron said this morning that he will not shift the referendum forward, giving UKIP more scope.
    But I’m sure that theyt will be making all sorts of approaches with them, we will either see a UKIP Tory coalition, or, in a bid of desperation, a grand coalition of the stale party oligarchies.

    The greens are stagnating and the Lib Dems are panting for air, frantically treading water after being maelstromed, to reach the top and mingle with the floaters.

    Why has this man such success? He cares very little of what people think of him or his agenda, speaks his mind and does not change the subject round to his kind of debate.

    UKIP’s manifesto agenda is poor, it does not say anything on issues other parties write reims on. But they are wrong, if there would be a vote on the EU today, they would find that the majority will vote to stay in. Cameron is mistaken, he should bring the referendum forward, as soon as possible, even before the GE, because the result would pull the rug away underneath UKIPs feet.

    Off course, this would mean to be open and forthcoming with information about Europe’s achievements, what it means to the economy and why we should be sitting at the table negotiating, not begging for hand outs and access at the doorstep.
    If there is any lesson for these carrerists to learn, it is to be open, direct and honest with voters. Changing the subject because you do not like it, being evasive and aloof will not get them anywhere.
    Creating jobs that are meaningfull, scraping nuclear power and go full out on tidal and sea current energy generation, and a promise of supporting all schools regardless of whether they are run as free schools academies or comprehensives would all go down well with young people. The debate on the decriminalisation of drugs is another issues thats been too long evaded.

    The economic benefits that come from safeguarding our estuaries and coastline, whilst cancelling an uneccessarry PWR programm, the sense it would make to ban nocotinoids, without a debate as the evidence is clear as daylight, would both be positive measures that can be announced instantly, measures young people would appreciate as their future insurance.

    Why say this? because hope for principled positive and sustainable change is the greatest motivator of all. Enjoy the gardening

  • OldMark

    ‘The principal character is dogged by INTERPOL and at one point he points out that the US delivers more in one day than he did in a year.’

    The principal character in the film is a fictionalised version of Viktor Bout; he was rendered by the CIA in Bangkok in 2008 and is presently serving time in an Illinois prison facility-


    Unsurprisingly, his wikipedia entry makes no mention of the logistical assistance his companies gave to the occupying forces in Iraq post 2003.

  • doug scorgie

    More scare stories from the establishment on the dangers of an independent Scotland:

    “The cost of setting up all the bodies needed in an independent Scotland could be £1.5bn, the UK Treasury has claimed.”

    “It based the figure on research into the costs of setting up an independent state in Quebec, which have been estimated at 1% of GDP.”

    Why, I wonder, have they based their figures on a hypothetical analysis of a Canadian province?

  • OldMark

    “David Starkey: Alex Salmond is a ‘Caledonian Hitler’

    Although he doesn’t sound it, Starkey is a native Cumbrian; anti Scottish prejudices in the English appear to increase exponentially the closer you get to Carlisle.

  • doug scorgie

    21st century democracy:

    Ukraine and now Thailand

    “Thailand’s military leader has received royal endorsement at a ceremony in the capital, Bangkok, after taking power in a coup last week.”

    “To restore peace and order in the country and for sake of unity, the king appointed Gen Prayuth Chan-ocha as head of the National Council of Peace and Order to run the country,”

    “Elections would take place as soon as possible, he said, but gave no timeframe.”

    “He also said he would have NO CHOICE BUT TO USE FORCE if protests continued.”


    Could it happen in Scotland I wonder?

  • Mary

    The thought police at the DfE are active. Minds are being moulded.

    25 May 2014

    Exam board ‘drops’ Mockingbird and Steinbeck after Gove reforms
    Comments (902)

    Gove reveals ‘tougher’ GCSE shake-up

    To Kill a Mockingbird and Of Mice and Men are among the US literary classics to be dropped by a GCSE exam board after the education secretary called for more British works to be studied.

    Neither book is on OCR’s draft GCSE English Literature syllabus in England.

    Michael Gove’s overhaul has also seen Arthur Miller’s The Crucible left out.

    The Department for Education said its document about new content for the subject published in December “doesn’t ban any authors, books or genres”.

    Labour said the changes were “ideological” and “backward-looking”.


  • Glass

    doug scorgie, craig murray,

    Yes, the post is in bad taste. If you want to find fault with the royals, there are many serious things to criticise and expose without resorting to smut.

    The remark recently made by Prince Charles in Canada – which is probably the reason for this post – is most likely disingenuous and made with the intention to suck up to those who would be gratified by the comparison between Putin and Hitler. Why? Maybe we should think of the results of the recent elections and the proximity of the general election.

  • doug scorgie

    A good laugh but how many will believe it?

    A lot probably in America.

    “The study was commissioned by…the Halliburton corporation…”

    Say no more!

  • craig Post author


    If you completely lack a sense of fun and mischief, I really wouldn’t bother coming here :-).

    Public service announcement. Tomorrow we leave for Spain where Nadira is starting a four month module on her Master’s degree. Cameron is going along, and of course so am I as chief cook, bottlewasher and childminder. Once they are well established in a few weeks I shall be free to roam the world as usual, principally of course Scotland now for obvious reasons. Obviously very busy packing and moving at the minute.

  • Habbabkuk (La vita è bella) !

    Mary splutters

    “Exam board ‘drops’ Mockingbird and Steinbeck after Gove reforms
    Comments (902)

    Gove reveals ‘tougher’ GCSE shake-up

    To Kill a Mockingbird and Of Mice and Men are among the US literary classics to be dropped by a GCSE exam board after the education secretary called for more British works to be studied.

    Neither book is on OCR’s draft GCSE English Literature syllabus in England.

    Michael Gove’s overhaul has also seen Arthur Miller’s The Crucible left out.”

    Now, the three works cited by Mary might well be excellent examples of political literature but no one other than(perhaps) a dogmatic left-winger would claom that they are in the English-language literary canon.

    Therefore Mary’s claim that

    “the thought police at the DfE are active. Minds are being moulded.”

    is, as so often, nonsensical.


    As is, by the way, Gnu-Labour’s assertion that “the changes were “ideological” and “backward-looking”.

    Backward looking in relation to what?


    Habbabkuk for Quality Education and the Literary Canon.

  • Habbabkuk (La vita è bella) !



    If you completely lack a sense of fun and mischief, I really wouldn’t bother coming here 🙂 .”

    You’re right of course and I know you were just having a little frolic there ‘cos I remember you saying that although a republican you didn’t share the animosity certain commenters feel for the Royal family.

    But still, I do think you should have shown more consideration for the weaker-minded and more impressionable of your followers on here: some you have stirred up into a frenzy (bad for the heart and judgement), whereas others will now not dare to venture within 10 miles of Buck House, Windsor Castle, Balmoral and Sandringham lest they should find themselves unexpectedly and unpleasantly impaled*on the end of a rampant Royal Rod.


    * in the case of Doug Scorgie (see above),possibly by proxy.

  • A Node

    Nevermind, Doug Scorgie,

    This has got to be a wind up …. hasn’t it?
    Not even Haliburton would stretch our credibility this far …. would they?

    Naah, it’s a hoax ….. isn’t it?

  • Habbabkuk (La vita è bella) !

    Mr Scorgie (re the military coup in Thailand)

    “Could it happen in Scotland I wonder?”

    Even without wondering, I doubt it, Doug.

    Has your wondering led you to firm up an opinion yet, I wonder?

    If so, Doug, do you now think it could happen or that it couldn’t?

  • Alan Campbell

    From the Oxford Dictionary of National Biography:
    “In the small hours of 31 May 1810 Cumberland’s valet, Joseph Sellis, was found with his throat cut in the duke’s apartments at St James’s Palace. Cumberland, who had a deep wound in the head, maintained he had been awakened by blows struck by Sellis, whom he forced to flee to his own bedroom, where the valet committed suicide. At the inquest on Sellis this account was accepted by a jury whose foreman was the radical, Francis Place. The motive for an assault by Sellis on the duke remains unclear; it was alleged that, as a Corsican and a Roman Catholic (and thus paralleled with Britain’s foe, Napoleon), he was goaded by taunts and insults from his ultra-protestant and anti-French master; but Sellis was actually Sardinian, and had his children baptized in the Church of England. So deep was the abhorrence felt towards Cumberland following the inquest, which despite its verdict revealed much contradictory evidence, that it was widely believed he had murdered Sellis to prevent him from revealing scandalous details of the duke’s private life.”

  • A Node

    Having re-read my post above, I should make clear that I don’t for one instant give any credibility to the photon-hoovering powers of solar panels. I am suggesting that someone is winding us up by pretending that Haliburton is behind the study.

  • Resident Dissident

    “whereas others will now not dare to venture within 10 miles of Buck House, Windsor Castle, Balmoral and Sandringham lest they should find themselves unexpectedly and unpleasantly impaled*on the end of a rampant Royal Rod.”

    More likely a fence complete with Nazi insignia!

  • John Goss

    Sorry Doug, no wonder you referred to it as V. I thought I was watching V for Vengeance but it was V for Vendetta. What’s happening to my brain? Don’t answer that. I recognised Stephen Fry in a half-decent film. No Royals but I think it gave Anonymous a few ideas.

  • johnstone

    Courtenay Barnett
    Ummm…but from a psychological perspective they could be labelled. One could perhaps identify these behaviors as rooted in the process of ‘desublimation’. This occurs when the natural process of ‘sublimation’ is repressed and the id overrides the ego as the driving force for personal satisfaction. It is down to deep rooted repression as another poster pointed out. The unnatural forces acting on the individual indeed do interfere with the expression of his or her free will.
    However the point here is that this is also a societal phenomenon its achieved by a subtle manner and we are coaxed into unnatural behaviors, such as consumerism and racialism through advertising and other forms propaganda..repressive desublimation is the curse of modern society and this leads to the condition of hypercognition..thinking we understand things that we don’t and really can’t, but also neurosis and entrapment.

  • nevermind

    Olla Craig, disfrutar de España y no olvides decirle a los vecinos a cuidar su casa.

    Good luck to Nadira’s with the studies, you will need factor 30 suncreme if you get time off from the washing up.

  • Herbie


    You’ve differentiated what you call “political literature”, from what you call the English-language literary canon.

    Have you the faintest clue what you’re talking about?

    Or are you just another 2:1, like Gove.


    Don’t put idiots in charge of Education.

  • Habbabkuk (La vita è bella) !



    You’ve differentiated what you call “political literature”, from what you call the English-language literary canon.

    Have you the faintest clue what you’re talking about?”

    Firstly, let me thank you for standing in for Mr Scorgie; I know he likes some time to elapse before reaching for his keyboard.

    Reminds me a little of the critic in the one of the Sundays who said that he always included something negative in his otherwise kind and enthusiastic book reviews just in case anyone should think he and the author were buggering one another.

    Anyway : I do know what I’m talking about. Let’s see if you do – what exactly is your problem with what I wrote?


    Let’s get the curriculum back on track with the Education Secretary!

  • Herbie

    The two classes are not mutually exclusive.

    “Political literature”, as you’ve used it, could be applied to almost any work in the English canon, or any other canon.

    But nobody calls those works, “political literature”.

    So unless you manage to articulate some distinction here, your argument is little more than the usual waffle you trot out in defence of whatever dozy establisment geek is currently in the firing line.

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