Buggering the Valet 204

The row over Prince Charles in Canada reminded me of the role of the Royal Family in personifying those timeless traditions which comprise the spine of British culture.  One of these great Royal traditions, which has continued right down to the present generations, is buggering the valet.

31 May should be a national holiday in celebration of this great tradition. We should call it Bugger the Valet day.  On 31 May 1810 Ernest Duke of Cumberland, fifth son of George III, was buggering his valet Neale.   While Cumberland was fully engaged, another servant named Sellis impertinently entered the room.  Naturally the Duke, having ordered Sellis to wait and be spoken to, took out his sword and ran Sellis through seven times. Sellis remained impertinent, and even after being stabbed the first time, had the temerity to grab a candlestick and hit the Duke hard on the face, inflicting a disfiguring wound.  This of course is described in official histories (and I see on Wikipedia) as having been received in the Napoleonic Wars.

Over the years, seven journalists were imprisoned for publishing an account of Sellis’ death.  The Duke failed to pay Neale the money he had promised him to lie that Sellis had attacked the Duke, and subsequently Neale talked rather a lot.  The first journalist imprisoned, Henry White, died of disease contracted in prison. Henry White deserves to be remembered.

Cumberland was to marry a woman very widely believed across the German speaking world to be herself a murderess, Princess Frederica of Mecklenburg Strelitz, whose two earlier husbands had died, the second particularly unexpectedly and conveniently.

During the reign of King William IV, Cumberland was second in line to the throne after Victoria.  Victoria’s widowed mother, the Duchess of Kent, was shagging her Private Secretary, Sir John Conroy.  Actually every summer in Victoria’s teens they did their shagging in Townley House, which I can see now from my study window.

Ten months of the year they lived in Kensington Palace, and Conroy put Victoria into seclusion.  Conroy was hated – he was far too middle class to be shagging a Duchess.  There was a successful film by that awful far right “Lord” Julian Fellowes a few years ago called The Young Victoria.  Conroy was portrayed as a caricature villain, and conventional historians have accepted the monarchist line that his seclusion of Victoria was to maximize his own influence of control.

What Conroy himself said, and is almost never published, was that he was keeping Victoria under very close guard because he was terrified she would be poisoned or otherwise murdered by the heir to the throne, her uncle Cumberland, and his wife. Where this is ever mentioned by historians, it is to ridicule it as a crazy pretext.

In fact Cumberland was a murderer,  and Frederica very probably was too.  Conroy was absolutely right to protect Victoria from Cumberland.  What the establishment would not admit then or now was that there was a very real reason for Conroy to apprehend this danger.   Ernest Duke of Cumberland had killed Sellis.  His wife Frederica was reputed throughout Europe to have poisoned her second husband in order to marry Ernest and gain the possibility of becoming Queen of England.  Only Victoria stood between them and the throne, in an age of high mortality.

When William IV died, Victoria became Queen but as a female could not inherit the other Kingdom of Hanover.  Cumberland therefore became King Ernest of Hanover.  He abolished parliament and persecuted those regarded as liberal, including the Brothers Grimm who he dismissed from their University posts.

Ahh, our beloved Royal family! Remember – 31 May is Bugger the Valet Day.

204 thoughts on “Buggering the Valet

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  • doug scorgie

    Resident Dissident
    25 May, 2014 – 7:58 am

    “There are plenty of tales of its existence among the relatively new SNP establishment and the Putinistas should perhaps remember the role of the leaders’ mistress in lighting in Olympic flame.”

    Was buggery involved there ResDis?

  • Mary

    RD even had plural leaders …… . ‘leaders’ mistress.’

    Only one mistress for all those leaders. Are Agent Cameron and Obomber in on it?

  • Resident Dissident

    “Was buggery involved there ResDis?”

    I was talking about corruption that takes many forms – sexual and otherwise.

  • Mary

    Chocolate wins the day.

    BREAKING NEWS:Chocolate tycoon Petro Poroshenko has won outright victory in Ukraine’s presidential election – national exit polls

    Sounds more like a chocolate chip off the old block.

    ‘Klitschko’s decision to abandon the presidential ambitions for Poroshenko was welcomed by the former head of the presidential Yanukovych administration Sergei Liovochkin.
    The internet publication Ukrainian Pravda, referring to the Austrian press, reported that Poroshenko and Klitschko formed their union on request by Ukranian billionaire Dmitry Firtash, who is facing bribery charges in the U.S. Firtash publicly confirmed that he supports Poroshenko in the presidential election.’

  • Resident Dissident

    Those worried about a ‘fascist coup’ in Ukraine will be glad to know that Tyahnybok (Svodoba) got 1.3% and Yarosh (Right Sector) 0.9% according to the exit polls – rather less than the 11.6% obtained by Zhirinovsky’s fascist party in the last Russian legislative elections.

  • Vronsky

    Kipling used the swastika before it acquired the connotations it has now. Here is a technically v bad but somewhat informative site. You’ll easily find better, but I’m slurping wine after Sunday dinner and too sleepy to do your googling for you.

    I like Kipling (even without the usual PC qualifications) and his books on the shelves above my head have that symbol on their spine. As he uses it, it seems clearly intended as an Indian reference, nothing sinister.

    His ‘Stalky & Co’ stories scandalised a generation. Recommended.

  • John Goss

    I guess we are going to have to accept RD that the Nazi roots of the Royal Family have probably not got anything to do with logos on the fences of their many castles paid for by the British taxpayer. Perhaps when Scotland goes independent its taxpayers alone will fund some of these stately homes.

  • Herbie

    Interesting discussion.

    How long will it be before Alex Salmond is compared to Hitler.




    The British elite seem to have defined Hitler as anyone who is currently agin’em.

    Yet they were Hitler’s greatest supporters.

    They used to be called perfidious, but that doesn’t quite pack the punch necessary, these days.

    “Lying parasitic scum”, was a phrase oft voiced by ordinary peeps in pubs, when we still had pubs.

    They weren’t wrong.

  • Mary

    Le Front National is said to have won in France.

    Total estimated turnout throughout the EU is said to have risen by 0.1% to 43.1%.


  • John Goss

    “The people shouldn’t be afraid of the government, the government should be afraid of the people.” I’m watching V for Vengeance so slightly off topic.


    “V” is one of my favorite feel good films, John

    V: “Good evening, London. Allow me first to apologize for this interruption. I do, like many of you, appreciate the comforts of every day routine- the security of the familiar, the tranquility of repetition. I enjoy them as much as any bloke. But in the spirit of commemoration, whereby those important events of the past, usually associated with someone’s death or the end of some awful bloody struggle, a celebration of a nice holiday, I thought we could mark this November the 5th, a day that is sadly no longer remembered, by taking some time out of our daily lives to sit down and have a little chat. There are of course those who do not want us to speak. I suspect even now, orders are being shouted into telephones, and men with guns will soon be on their way. Why? Because while the truncheon may be used in lieu of conversation, words will always retain their power. Words offer the means to meaning, and for those who will listen, the enunciation of truth. And the truth is, there is something terribly wrong with this country, isn’t there? Cruelty and injustice, intolerance and oppression. And where once you had the freedom to object, to think and speak as you saw fit, you now have censors and systems of surveillance coercing your conformity and soliciting your submission. How did this happen? Who’s to blame? Well certainly there are those more responsible than others, and they will be held accountable, but again truth be told, if you’re looking for the guilty, you need only look into a mirror. I know why you did it. I know you were afraid. Who wouldn’t be? War, terror, disease. There were a myriad of problems which conspired to corrupt your reason and rob you of your common sense. Fear got the best of you, and in your panic you turned to the now high chancellor, Adam Sutler. He promised you order, he promised you peace, and all he demanded in return was your silent, obedient consent. Last night I sought to end that silence. Last night I destroyed the Old Bailey, to remind this country of what it has forgotten. More than four hundred years ago a great citizen wished to embed the fifth of November forever in our memory. His hope was to remind the world that fairness, justice, and freedom are more than words, they are perspectives. So if you’ve seen nothing, if the crimes of this government remain unknown to you, then I would suggest you allow the fifth of November to pass unmarked. But if you see what I see, if you feel as I feel, and if you would seek as I seek, then I ask you to stand beside me one year from tonight, outside the gates of Parliament, and together we shall give them a fifth of November that shall never, ever be forgot.”

  • A Node

    Resident Dissident 25 May, 2014 – 8:07 pm

    “Scotland’s full of them!

    Thank you, RD, the matter has been thoroughly examined in that forum. The photos there fit my memory of what I saw at Glamis Castle. If these sleuths were unable to come to a conclusion, I guess that’s it for now – inconclusive.

    To summarise their hundreds of comments:

    These fence wire tensioners are called “radisseurs”
    The ones with swastikas are not uncommon in Scotland but unreported in other European countries.
    There are three theories what they’re doing here:
    (1) a large batch of German-made stock was sold off cheap in Scotland, post-war because the swastika made them illegal to use in Germany.
    (2) They were made in India or China by a hardware manufacturer whose logo predates the Nazi party.
    (3) the swastika was a symbol demonstrating which way to ratchet up the tension!!

    In my opinion theory (1) is most likely and in support I offer this comment from someone living in Germany:

    “There are two possibilities I can think of. One is that they were made here for a German customer. but were part of a cancelled order in 1939, or that they were imported from Germany either before or after the war. the latter would probably make more sense as their use would be totally forbidden post war in Germany, as displaying a swastika in any form was banned, and there may have been a warehouse full of them with no home market.
    The interesting thing is that modern ones in catalogues seem absolutely identical. apart from the swastika, of course.
    Also one of the suppliers says on their website “these are widely used in Scotland” implying that they are not elsewhere in the UK.”

    Also, elsewhere, the Indian ‘Swastika Trading Co’ was found to use “a stylised Indian swastika, and doesn’t deal in fencing.”

    So probably German war stock, but no smoking gun. You got off with it this time, Lizzie ….

  • A Node

    The European election results are coming in, constituency by constituency, as they do in a General election, but the vote in the UK was 4 days ago. The votes must’ve been long ago counted, but they are presenting them to us as though the results are just coming in. Sky seems to be following the same running order, so it seems each constituency has been allotted a time slot to read out their results.

    OK, it makes for a more exciting format, and God knows, a European election needs that, but who decided in which order the results are announced?

    It won’t affect the final result, obviously, but put it this way: if you asked each of the major parties to decide in which order the results should be announced, I bet each would have very different suggestions.


    John; while you were watching ‘V’ I was watching Lord of War. It’s a fact-based account of private weapon merchants and the proliferation of small arms to developing nations. The principal character is dogged by INTERPOL and at one point he points out that the US delivers more in one day than he did in a year.


    Buggering the Head of State..lol.


    “Here’s the thought experiment I’ve been playing with this morning: Take your political* Head of State and place her or him in the centre of the region of their own country that shows the most opposition to their government or administration, with no security detail or special physical protection. The question is, would said HoS then be murdered? Here are my subjective thoughts on a few places I know something about and/or watch closely, add your own if you like.

    The UK: No. Cameron would have a very rough time and plenty of verbal haranguing, but physical violence would be unlikely.

    Canada: Ditto. Many people hate Harper, but they’re unlikely to get medieval on the guy.

    France: No. More likely they’d end up inviting Hollande to dinner and launching into deep debate in order to convince him of the error of his ways, with consensus over at least a couple of items reached over the calvados and cheese.

    Argentina: No and for three reasons: Argentines talk more aggressively than they act re. politics, there are too many people who ID themselves as Peronists that will hate CFK’s style but agree on baseline substance, plus as a country they’re culturally very respectful towards women.

    Peru: No. Ollanta hasn’t screwed up people’s lives (so far). He may have ignored people who he said he’d help since coming to power and there is plenty of resentment over certain issues, but people’s justice wouldn’t carry to murder.

    Colombia: Tough call frankly, it’s the one I’ve been debating over more than any other. Santos may be in mortal danger in the unfettered company of far-lefties or far-righties there, but I’d guess the potential of his murder would first be used as some sort of bargaining chip in a wider deal (or non-deal). There’s an element of cold and calculated in this one, unlikely to be an instant, hot-blooded killing.

    The USA: Yes. A stereotyped collective negro lynch mob death probably wouldn’t happen, but the chances that one nutbar or a group of them consider it their patriotic duty to remove a powerful black democrat from the face of the planet are very high. The free availability of nasty weapons, the window of opportunity and the archetype individualistic, fractured society of self-importance all point in the same direction.

    Mexico: Yes. Plonk Peña Nieto in front of the narco groups that he’s been trying to dismantle and the only debate would be the way in which he’s to die, including the amount of pre-death pain his executioner would inflict just for fun.

    Venezuela: Yes. Maduro would be dead in less than a minute.”

  • Tony_0pmoc


    UKIP 31.3
    Con 24.9
    Labour 23.3
    Lib Dem 6.9
    Others 13.6

    Weird that


  • guano


    I was just thinking about you.
    Human nature is forever chastising those with more compassion than ourselves as having been brought up too soft.

    I remember from my childhood the frozen, stony emotional rejection my mother received from time to time from her mother. It was as chilling as the shared love of large immigrant families, Muslim or Eastern European is warming.

    I have heard English mums threaten their infants with tearing every bone out of their bodies for tiny misdemeanours, and I was thinking about the terrible impact this violence has, especially when combined with emotional rejection.

    Buggering the valet might have been a whole lot more emotionally satisfying than trying to have sex with severely emotionally disabled UK aristocratic women. Judge not lest ye be judged Amen.

    And yet only last night I heard my favourite Muslim preacher calling for the rod not to be spared in the memory learning of the Qur’an. I have visited madrassahs in Pakistan where boys were woken at dawn and allowed to bed only at 11 pm, with an additional daytime rest. And people who attended them report that they were beaten. So why not continue in the tradition?

    Colleagues from English backgrounds have described how they were thrashed for not obeying their elders. You had to earn parental affection. The very idea of having your own intellectual or religious opinion!

    Fair play to Prince Charles for getting to 70 and finding the self-confidence to express opinions. He should have been given that freedom as a child. Humour us.

    The appalling situation that exists amongst Muslims that they actually collude with Western Intelligence agencies to spy on their fellow Muslims is probably a disease from their own upbringing where their sexual desires were thrashed out of them.

    Judge not lest ye be judged is very much part of the Islamic tradition in its own right, but unlike Christians most Muslims do not know the verses from the scriptures that this spiritual principle is derived from. Anyone know please?

    The least Christian Christian has it as a building block of personality. Who knows about the post-Christians and the post Communists? Without it, projection and Voting for UKIP is the obvious solution. Wasted by democracy. or as Thomas Hardy would say, ruined.

    Christian thought always falls back on the crucifixion myth, that killing your teacher was the only way to stop civilisation as you knew it from falling apart. People have always eaten people. If people didn’t eat people there would be nothing left to eat! ( This is satire darlings from Flanders and Swan not part of Muslim theology )

    Human psychology always gangs up on those it considers to have not yet been beaten enough.

  • guano

    The persecution of Protestants in France by Robespierre is much the same as the persecution of the Syrian Muslims by Al Qaida today. It is a Zionist plan to secularise Muslim countries.

    If you secularise people they have no spiritual foundation and you can incite them to division on ethnic and other fault lines.
    You think UKIP is a challenge to the status quo? UKIP is the monkey here.


  • ozwry

    26 May, 2014 – 5:39 am
    “Fair play to Prince Charles for getting to 70”

    that’s entirely unfair, guano.
    as one born on the very same day – but radically different manger – i can assure you, “we are not amused.”
    in fact you will have to wait more than five years [but less than 6] for credibility with that…

    otherwise, i agree with your comment & always enjoy your posts.

  • Mary

    Q. What happens to the ballot papers, all numbered, and cross referenced on the electoral roll lists that the invigilators use.

    When I voted, one of two gave me the ballot paper and told the other what number it was. The latter then wrote that number against my name and drew a line through it using a ruler presumably as a record of my attendance. So they know who I am and how I voted. The same for all of us presumably.

    It is not a secret ballot.

    PS Spell check was anxious to change my misspelling of ‘invigilators’ to ‘invalidators.’ Enough said 🙂

  • Habbabkuk (La vita è bella) !

    Mr Scorgie

    ” Habbabkuk (La vita è bella) !
    24 May, 2014 – 7:38 pm

    ” “You cite an alleged homosexual relationship between Michael Fawcett (neither a Royal nor a valet) and Prince Charles ( a Royal).”

    “The question I put to Craig was :”
    “I should like to hear from Craig which of the British ROYALs currently alive has buggered, or is buggering, his VALET(s).”

    Pedantic bullshit I’m afraid dear Habbabkuk (pedantic = overly concerned with minute details)”

    Not sure if the details are as minute as all that, Doug. Unless of course anything that shows you up as a bit of a plonker when it comes to logical argument counts as a minute detail?

    Anyway, a small question to you.

    Let’s assume you were caught one morning having fun under the bed covers with Herbie. It later transpires that Herbie had buggered A Node. Does this mean that you buggered A Node?

    Do you adhere to the theory of buggering by proxy and if so, would you extend that theory to other forms of sexual activity?

    Let’s be having you, Doug…. 🙂

  • Habbabkuk (La vita è bella) !


    pls delete my comment at 09h32. Something went slightly wrong there….

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