Buggering the Valet 204

The row over Prince Charles in Canada reminded me of the role of the Royal Family in personifying those timeless traditions which comprise the spine of British culture.  One of these great Royal traditions, which has continued right down to the present generations, is buggering the valet.

31 May should be a national holiday in celebration of this great tradition. We should call it Bugger the Valet day.  On 31 May 1810 Ernest Duke of Cumberland, fifth son of George III, was buggering his valet Neale.   While Cumberland was fully engaged, another servant named Sellis impertinently entered the room.  Naturally the Duke, having ordered Sellis to wait and be spoken to, took out his sword and ran Sellis through seven times. Sellis remained impertinent, and even after being stabbed the first time, had the temerity to grab a candlestick and hit the Duke hard on the face, inflicting a disfiguring wound.  This of course is described in official histories (and I see on Wikipedia) as having been received in the Napoleonic Wars.

Over the years, seven journalists were imprisoned for publishing an account of Sellis’ death.  The Duke failed to pay Neale the money he had promised him to lie that Sellis had attacked the Duke, and subsequently Neale talked rather a lot.  The first journalist imprisoned, Henry White, died of disease contracted in prison. Henry White deserves to be remembered.

Cumberland was to marry a woman very widely believed across the German speaking world to be herself a murderess, Princess Frederica of Mecklenburg Strelitz, whose two earlier husbands had died, the second particularly unexpectedly and conveniently.

During the reign of King William IV, Cumberland was second in line to the throne after Victoria.  Victoria’s widowed mother, the Duchess of Kent, was shagging her Private Secretary, Sir John Conroy.  Actually every summer in Victoria’s teens they did their shagging in Townley House, which I can see now from my study window.

Ten months of the year they lived in Kensington Palace, and Conroy put Victoria into seclusion.  Conroy was hated – he was far too middle class to be shagging a Duchess.  There was a successful film by that awful far right “Lord” Julian Fellowes a few years ago called The Young Victoria.  Conroy was portrayed as a caricature villain, and conventional historians have accepted the monarchist line that his seclusion of Victoria was to maximize his own influence of control.

What Conroy himself said, and is almost never published, was that he was keeping Victoria under very close guard because he was terrified she would be poisoned or otherwise murdered by the heir to the throne, her uncle Cumberland, and his wife. Where this is ever mentioned by historians, it is to ridicule it as a crazy pretext.

In fact Cumberland was a murderer,  and Frederica very probably was too.  Conroy was absolutely right to protect Victoria from Cumberland.  What the establishment would not admit then or now was that there was a very real reason for Conroy to apprehend this danger.   Ernest Duke of Cumberland had killed Sellis.  His wife Frederica was reputed throughout Europe to have poisoned her second husband in order to marry Ernest and gain the possibility of becoming Queen of England.  Only Victoria stood between them and the throne, in an age of high mortality.

When William IV died, Victoria became Queen but as a female could not inherit the other Kingdom of Hanover.  Cumberland therefore became King Ernest of Hanover.  He abolished parliament and persecuted those regarded as liberal, including the Brothers Grimm who he dismissed from their University posts.

Ahh, our beloved Royal family! Remember – 31 May is Bugger the Valet Day.

204 thoughts on “Buggering the Valet

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  • Poop

    … And I thought “squeezing the toothpaste” was a colloquialism worthy of Viz magazine.

    Someone suggested ill George was a baster job. Who knows. Like ………

  • Courtenay Barnett


    George Anthony Smith

    Article-1208279-0623Aea1000005Dc-570 468X582

    George Anthony Smith was a former footman and valet in the Royal Household of Prince Charles. In 1995, Smith made some startling accusations against the Prince of Wales and a man named Michael Fawcett. He alleged that he had been raped by Michael Fawcett, who was one of Prince Charles closest friends. Besides accusing Fawcett of rape, George Smith said that Michael Fawcett was in a homosexual relationship with the Prince of Wales, who protected him. The shocking news made some headlines in November 2003, and was the subject of a legal injunction in the United Kingdom to stop exposure.

    George Smith’s claim of a sexual relationship between the Prince of Wales and Fawcett was repeated in a legal statement issued by him to the Mail on Sunday newspaper. In response, Michael Fawcett took a High Court injunction to prevent their disclosure. The injunction was granted. The Prince’s Private Secretary issued a statement denying the allegations and questioning the trustworthiness of the unnamed Smith as a source.

    The story still cannot be published in England, Wales and Northern Ireland, but it has been written about extensively in the Republic of Ireland and Italy. Geoffrey Wheatcroft, a British media commentator, called Smith “probably the most unreliable source for any story on anything, anywhere in the United Kingdom.” George Smith claims to have only witnessed a member of the Royal Family and his aide “tucked up under the sheets, lying next to each other.”

    In an interesting twist, George Smith discussed the matter with Diana, Princess of Wales. He told her that he had been raped. He also told Diana that he witnessed the Princess’s estranged husband, the Prince of Wales, lying in bed with his aide, Michael Fawcett. Diana is said to have taped the interview. The whereabouts of the tape became a matter of considerable controversy following Diana’s death, in August 1997. On August 24, 2005, George Anthony Smith died in Newport, Wales of an unknown illness. He was only 44-years-old.

    Climatic Research Unit Email Controversy

    Sea Level Rising

    The Climatic Research Unit (CRU) is one of the leading institutions concerned with the study of climate change. In November 2009, hackers gained access to a server used by the CRU and stole a large amount of data, anonymously posting online more than 1,000 emails and more than 2,000 other documents. The event occurred two weeks before the Copenhagen Summit on climate change. Following the leak, global warming skeptics began to highlight sections of the information that showed how scientists have manipulated statistics on climate change and suppressed their critics. The accusations have been denied by the CRU. CRU’s researchers stated that the emails were taken out of context and merely reflect an honest exchange of ideas.

    According to Newsweek, climate skeptics believe that the documents show that global warming is a scientific conspiracy. In one email exchange, a scientist writes of using a statistical “trick” to illustrate historical trends in global warming. The Guardian’s analysis of the emails found that the hackers filtered the information using keywords, including Yamal, tree rings, and Phil Jones. The use of “tree rings” was an attempt to bring to notice the divergence problem. A large number of organizations released statements on the issue. The American Association for the Advancement of Science gave a quote, “There are multiple lines of scientific evidence that global climate change is caused by human activity. It is a growing threat to society.”

    Six committees investigated the allegations and published reports, finding no evidence of fraud or scientific misconduct. However, the reports did criticize climate scientists for their disorganized methods, bunker mentality and lack of transparency. In several email exchanges, Kevin Trenberth, a climatologist at the National Center for Atmospheric Research, and other scientists discussed gaps in understanding. “The fact is that we can’t account for the lack of warming in 2009 and it is a travesty.” Overall, the incident was considered a public relations disaster for the scientific community. Historian Spencer R. Weart, of the American Institute of Physics, said the incident was unprecedented in the history of science, having “never before seen a set of people accuse an entire community of scientists of deliberate deception.”

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  • Jives

    It must be nice to get your toothpaste squeezed out every morning.

    Does Camilla know Chuck’s got a man for this?

  • craig Post author


    What do you mean, fanciful story? Sellis was murdered in Cumberland’s rooms. Cumberland was there at the time, and injured. Links from Herbie above and the one I have just posted give more of the background. It is not fanciful, it happened.


    Interestingly, the Russian Civil War was fought was somewhat analogous to the Ukraine dividing lines. The Red versus White had many beefs, notwithstanding the White Army was behind the fascists and Allies.

    I think they both agreed the Royalist Tsar had to go.

  • Brendan

    Well, if rich people can buy PR reps and MP’s, one must assume they can buy historians. It works a bit differently I guess, more like the propaganda model in journalism, as historians have a far better educated peer group, but the principle is the same. Someone’s career can progress by not rocking the boat, being unchallenging. Revisionism is accepted, up to a point, but not too far.

    I studied history for 2 years at Uni, though don’t think I showed particular flair for the subject. I do recall finding the subject a bit frustrating. Lots of reading to be done (not a bad thing), and a tendency to get bogged down in ‘granular’ level of details, without looking at the big picture. I now look back and wonder if there also should have been a unit on psychology, as part of the history degree. After all, some major historical figues were, to be blunt, lunatics. Indeed, it seems to be the case that if we read our history, the prevalence of narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths, and the outright insane, in positions of power and influence is really quite alarming. Over-respresented, you might say.

    I expect if we ever got a true history of the monarchy, and it became accepted in the mainstream, we’d have a republic. Full disclosure: I’m a republican, and see zero point in a monarchy. I also see zero point in replacing a monarchy with a president, thinking the presidential model just as establishment as the constitutional monarchy. However, I also think any referendum would fall heavily in favour of retaining the monarchy, so unless Prince Charles is caught on tape with a shady Mossad figure saying, ‘kill that minesweeping bitch, Paris is the place’, I fear we just have to accept the monarchy as part of life. Shame. The only argument I ever heard in their favour is that they are good for the tourist industry, which may well be true I suppose, but still not a clincher.

    I find it revealing that, after the 60’s happened, and with one of the best educated populace history has ever seen, the world is still run by its’ Kings and Queens. They are called oligarchs now, and have huge resources and power, and they are constrained, to a degree, by their parliaments, but Royals and Romans have often been constrained by their parliament, that’s not new either.

    I hope an independent Scotland has a referendum on the royals. I fear Salmond will bottle that one though. Mind, I still think the fix is already in, and a close race has only one outcome. I expect Craig will write about it, look forward to it, sort of.

  • Jives

    Alex Salmond is a Privy Councillor-which entails taking an oath to The Queen.

    How does that square with independence can anyone tell me?

    I’m not yanking chains i genuinely don’t understand the potentially split loyalty.

  • Lord Haw-haw

    Right, why would the ancient people of Scotland consent to be associated with the English, born and bred to kiss degenerate arse? Here’s a inbred pencil-neck that can’t take the match given seven attacks parried with nothing but a cumbersome bactile, and a whole country trained to bow and scrape to him. That’s why the Brits are doomed to be American’s butlers, Blair for Bush, Cameron for Obama and on down the ladder. Dismember Britain, it’s not even fit for buggery anymore.

  • ozwry

    this post reveals ‘the firm’ for what we all suspected…

    feckin’ buggers . . .

  • Resident Dissident

    Really all that is being demonstrated is that power corrupts – I think Craig (and others) are being somewhat naïve in trying to push the line that this problem is somewhat unique to the British establishment – it isn’t. There are plenty of tales of its existence among the relatively new SNP establishment and the Putinistas should perhaps remember the role of the leaders’ mistress in lighting in Olympic flame.

  • Mary

    Dave Lawton That Mad Monarchs video of Heathcote Williams is as brilliant as all his others. I liked the King who thought he was made of glass!

    The first example is completely true. Maxwell published a transcript in the Daily Mirror of a phone conversation between P Charles and Camilla which an eavesdropper had recorded. Some of the content still turns your stomach considering that Diana was at home with his two children then aged 7 and 5 in 1989.

    Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles say goodnight

  • Mary

    Correction there. Maxwell died in 1991 and the transcript wasn’t published in the Mirror press until 1993.

  • John Goss

    A Node I would definitely be interested to see the photographs of the royal wire ratchet devices with Swastika emblems.

  • craig Post author

    John Goss, A Node

    But are you sure they don’t pre-date the Nazis? The swastika is a very old symbol.

  • doug scorgie

    24 May, 2014 – 7:51 pm

    “…the subsequent reference to Wikipedia by another poster does not really hit the right spot…”

    What do you mean by the right spot Glass?

    Do you mean it doesn’t prove the story to be true?

    Well the story has been covered up Glass, the media has been gagged so there is little to go on.

    “…today’s article is in bad taste.”

    If it turned out to be proven as true (Craig’s article that is) would it still be in bad taste?

    If the article had been about Putin say, buggering one of his assistants would that be in bad taste?

    Perhaps you’ve had a Glass too many.

  • doug scorgie

    Habbabkuk (La vita è bella) !
    24 May, 2014 – 7:38 pm

    “You cite an alleged homosexual relationship between Michael Fawcett (neither a Royal nor a valet) and Prince Charles ( a Royal).”

    “The question I put to Craig was :”
    “I should like to hear from Craig which of the British ROYALs currently alive has buggered, or is buggering, his VALET(s).”

    Pedantic bullshit I’m afraid dear Habbabkuk (pedantic = overly concerned with minute details)

  • Trowbridge H. Ford

    Don’t see this rigmarole about Prince Charles, the third son, George Anthony Smith, buggering valets, injunctions, murder, etc., going anywhere.

    Should we really be talking about Prince Edward, the Queen’s third son who was finally married in 1999, and became involved in the possible murder of Princess Di when Operation Paget was reinvestigating it, and it was told by the CIA that she learned of his buggering valets, and it became another reason for getting rid of not only her, but also most convenient and most troublesome Smith by poison?

    Lord Stevens always found such murders most convenient in whatever covert government found necessary.

  • KingofWelshNoir

    I always thought the distinction between the Nazi use of the swastika and the more ancient tradition had to do with the left or right handededness of the swastika. But having checked with Wikipedia it appears that is not true, and both versions were common in the ancient world. If you read the Wikipedia entry on the history of the swastika it is a damn interesting read. Quite amazing just how many cultures have used it, starting apparently 10,000 years ago. Some great stories there too such as the one about Heinrich Böll on a visit to Dublin in the 50s upset to see signs for the Swastika Laundry, until he realised it had been around since 1912. The impression it left with me was sadness that such an ancient and ubiquitous symbol for good luck, among other things, has now been rendered utterly taboo by the Nazis.

  • doug scorgie

    25 May, 2014 – 3:50 am

    “Alex Salmond is a Privy Councillor-which entails taking an oath to The Queen.”

    “How does that square with independence can anyone tell me?”

    It’s not just Privy Councillors Jives.

    Every MP in the UK has to do so or they cannot take up their seats in parliament.

    Also every member of the armed forces and every member of the police.

  • Mary

    So effective they haven’t changed it since the C13.

    Privy Councillor’s Oath

    This is the oath taken on becoming a member of the Privy Council. It has remained unchanged since about 1250.

    The vow of secrecy is not usually upheld – but it does apply if sensitive government information is revealed to Privy Councillors on “Privy Council terms”.


    and you don’t get your MP’s or Lord’s spondoolies until you have sworn the oath. What archaic nonsense. A democracy? You’re ‘avin a laaff Your Maj!

    Swearing in and the parliamentary oath

  • A Node

    “John Goss, A Node

    But are you sure they don’t pre-date the Nazis? The swastika is a very old symbol.”

    It’s possible that some pre-Hitler hardware company used the symbol as a logo, but much more likely that it is the Nazi version, given the Queen mother’s connections to Germany.
    My original photo should be in a box in the attic where it has been awaiting unpacking since we moved to this house 14 years ago. I’ll try to unearth it.
    In the meantime, if anybody fancies a nice Sunday afternoon excursion, Glamis Castle is 12 miles from Dundee, Google Map …..


    ….. and it’s open to the public ….

    “The 2014 Season runs from 12th April to 2nd November.
    The Castle and Grounds are open daily from 10.00am to 6.00pm, last admission 4.30pm”


  • guano

    It is obvious to all who stand outside the political world kafr ro Muslim, that it takes a heavy toll on a human being to dedicate their life energy to causing problems to others and trying to steer destiny away from God’s plan, i.e. the game of politics.

    Therefore most people who engage in it comfort themselves by putting pressure on other people who are under their thumb.

    If it’s such a tough job being a Royal, why not admit that you are an ordinary human being with absolutely no legitimacy to either political or religious authority.

    When you are in a hole, stop digging.

    Similarly, with political Islam in Egypt and Syria, when you realise that nobody wants your fanatacism, stop killing. Maybe when Egypt, Tunisia, Libya , Syria and Jordan have been completely ruined, for the sake of Allah they will give you some little mosques to shorten your trousers and grow your emnity in.

  • Mary

    Scotland’s most spectacular castle, ancestral family home of the Earls of Strathmore and Kinghorne and the childhood Home of HM Queen Elizabeth, The Queen Mother.

    Glamis Castle has been the ancestral home of the Earls of Strathmore for over 600 years. The present Earl is Michael, 18th Earl of Strathmore and Kinghorne. Please note that Glamis Castle closes to the general public for the season on 3rd November 2013.

    Adult: £10.90
    Child: £8.00
    Family: £32.00
    Concession: £10.00

    Who did they steal it from?

    I hate castles. All that fighting, killing and blood letting.

    Eton and the Scots Guards. Then stockbroking and a govt whip in the 90s. ie the usual

    He is in the Better Together camp. I am sure he is.

    ‘The letter from James I to Lord Glamis, in which the former expresses “remarkable enthusiasm” for the Union of the Crowns of Scotland and England, was unearthed on April 19 2014 by Lord Strathmore, with whom it appears in the Daily Telegraph of that day. The monarch is known to be an advocate of a single parliament, and the fragile document makes clear his conviction that the two nations are “better together”, incidentally the name of the modern campaign against disunion.’

    The link – http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/scotland/scottish-politics/10775380/Letter-written-by-first-king-of-Great-Britain-mirrors-current-campaign-for-the-Union.html

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