Stunning New Leaked Document 220


A gentleman in a dark trenchcoat has just handed me this minute. I am not going to check the veracity of its contents at all, but I am rather going immediately to publish it.

Mr Carlton-Browne,

I had a phone call from that Peruvian Johnny. No idea what he was saying, some kind of foreigner talk apparently. Anyway it turned out that young Olga the cleaner could speak the language so she translated for me. She is a marvel, Olga. She even takes copies home of everything for me so that if I lose something she’ll have another copy safe and sound.

Anyway, apparently this Peruvian chap had been in Scotland and met up with Alex Salmond, who used to be some sort of local official. He thought that I would like to know that Salmond said he wasn’t big on canapes and despite his name didn’t like smoked salmon. Rather wry that, I thought.

He went on to say that Salmond said he had enormous respect for Nigel Farage, who was very macho, and he would be delighted to see a UKIP government in power after the general election, preferably in coalition with Pegida. Salmond added “thank God nobody knows about this, or they would lynch me. Of course I haven’t told anybody, but I feel perfectly safe revealing it at random to a passing Peruvian I just met.”

The Peruvian chap said before he hung off that of course he was telling me as everybody knows that all foreign ambassadors must by protocol give details of all their transactions to their host governments and that anybody who denied this was a dirty liar, particularly smart-arsed ex-diplomats from Edinburgh. He also added clearly that nobody at all should believe him if he himself denied these conversations had ever taken place.

I thanked him very much for this information. This is a very proper and official government memo, oh yes. It even has acronyms – we shall have to tell R2D2 and SPECTRE before the meeting in Rio about climate change because we are all genuine government people doing important government business, oh yes.

I shan’t put my name on this as it is all jolly secret. If anyone catches us out, just say Olga got lost in translation.


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220 thoughts on “Stunning New Leaked Document

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  • Iain Ross

    Fred,

    “I have seen no evidence the document was a fabrication and I firmly believe that what it said..”

    So I presume you did read this bit then?

    “I have to admit that I’m not sure that the FM’s tongue would be quite so loose on that kind of thing in a meeting like that, so it might well be a case of something being lost in translation.”

    So the person writing the memo was not even there and also question the integrity of what they are writing.

    Everyone is entitled to their views but fair is fair, this is a non story that has been run as a smear. The comments you make betray your bias, someone more unkind might call you a nut job.

    I hope to God you are never called onto a jury……

  • Mary

    Thanks Brian.

    ‘They seek him here, they seek him there, they seek that Frenchie everywhere
    Is he is in Heaven, Is he in Hell…..’ (to paraphrase).

    Hilarious that a inquiry takes place into a work of fiction, thus attempting to give it credence.

    I feel sorry for that that nice Mr Coffinier who must have wondered what was happening.

  • Anon1

    Can’t see what all the fuss is about here. It’s quite clear that the SNP wreckers would want a Tory government to hasten Scotland’s departure from the UK. They see Tory rule as an opportunity not a catastrophe. Whether Gnasher said what she is alleged to have said may not be known, but we all know that the SNP is longing for a Tory win. If, as they see it, Tory rule is a disaster for this country then it only shows how little they care for the rest of it as long as what prevails is to the advantage of the little tinpot national socialist paradise they wish to create.

  • Dave

    @John Goss

    Thanks John.

    “Those who love our spooks might like to watch this before it gets pulled again. Never been shown in the UK except for those of us fortunate to have seen it. Watch now. Or it might be never.”

    “ At the inquest Sir Richard Dearlove, former head of the Secret Intelligence Service, denied MI6 was involved in Diana’s death, claiming that Tomlinson’s evidence about the strobe light was “spurious” and that he had elaborated bits of information he had heard to make mischief for the service.”
    “He denied that security service staff were trained to use strobe lights for disorientation.”
    http://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/425999/MI6-and-SAS-united-in-Princess-Diana-death-plot

    No training required you just point it at the target.

    Valkyrie is a 10-30 Hz strobe light which can produce seizures, giddiness, nausea, and fainting was developed by Charles Bovill of the now defunct British firm, Allen International.

    It is a ten by ten stobe array the firing sequence is phased.so it can induce a epileptic fit in most of the population.
    It was also so used on the women at their peace camp at Greenham Common.

    http://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/425999/MI6-and-SAS-united-in-Princess-Diana-death-plot

  • Rob Royston

    Where’s the Secretary of State for Scotland when you need him, to answer some awkward questions?

  • Mary

    More of the same.

    Never before has Scotland been quite this deluded
    With just weeks until polling day, Nicola Sturgeon has supplied fresh momentum to the SNP’s general election campaign
    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/scotland/11515597/Never-before-has-Scotland-been-quite-this-deluded.html
    04 Apr 2015

    Author http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bruce_Anderson_(columnist) also the author of this disgusting stuff.
    http://www.independent.co.uk/opinion/commentators/bruce-anderson/bruce-anderson-we-not-only-have-a-right-to-use-torture-we-have-a-duty-1899555.html

  • Phil

    Sturgeon
    “And that is why all of us must put the question of Trident renewal at the top of the agenda over the next few weeks”

    Where once it was a prerequisite for any cooperation, the SNP now will work with a government which renews trident. Yes, the SNP are backtracking on trident. Which is something quite different from “top of the agenda”.

    Yet Sturgeon does not lie. She clearly says it should be top of the agenda “over the next few weeks”. So while she campaigns for votes then.

  • Republicofscotland

    Ha,ha ha, very funny,good one Ishmael,”Eight Legged Freaks” springs to mind.

    Arrrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhh!

  • Ishmael

    Yea, but I was thinking the black spider memos and nuclear stuff. I do wonder what the royal position/influence is.

  • Republicofscotland

    Where’s the Secretary of State for Scotland when you need him, to answer some awkward questions?
    _______________________________

    Rob Royston.

    According to Wee Ginger Dug Carmichael was the only other person to meet with the French Ambassador on the same day Nicola Sturgeon met him.

    Carmichael has been keeping a low profile throughout Frenchiegate,and he’s rumoured to be a friend of the French Ambassador too boot.

    It doesn’t take much to fill in the gaps.

    https://weegingerdug.wordpress.com

  • Ishmael

    I guess it’s just a paranoid flashback. I’v no doubt that Charles has been secretly raging against the possession and threatening use of WMD’s for some time.

    He just does want us to know, such a decent modest man.

  • Republicofscotland

    Yes Ishmael as you say, Prince Dobby aka Charles,Spider Letters, were sanctioned,though,if I recall one newspaper fought for the disclosure of them the Guardian I think.

    Any as far as I can recall,the letters,were written,in such a fashion as to influence the Westminster government,and its,more than likely the letters,would’ve benefited Prince Dobby,in some way.

  • sally hughes

    Reminds me of the song… all together now…

    Oh the back of the bus is in the huff
    Parlez vous
    the back of the bus is in the huff
    Parlez vous
    The back of the bus is in the huff, cause they cannae vote like us
    Inky pinky parlez vous

  • Habbabkuk (La vita e' bella)

    “..if Nicola Sturgeon gets labour and other voters in England to embrace her”

    _____________________________

    At the risk of having this blog’s very own Mary (Whitehouse) accuse me of being smutty, I should like to say that Ms Sturgeon is highly embraceable (and possibly more!)except, perhaps, politically.

  • Habbabkuk (La vita e' bella)

    “I see the sewer nats have been putting stickers on copies of the Telegraph in supermarkets.”

    ____________________________

    That is shocking and should make any democrat wonder what sort of state and society the SNP would create were it ever to be in charge of an independent Scotland.

  • Habbabkuk (La vita e' bella)

    Lysias doesn’t seem to like the UK very much, despite having studied there (allegedly) and doesn’t seem to like the US very much either, despite living there (allegedly).

    Has he, I wonder, ever thought of living in a different country more to his political, moral and ethical liking?

    After all, as a retired gentleman (allegedly) and in receipt of both a Navy and Army pension (supposedly), the world must be his oyster?

  • Habbabkuk (La vita e' bella)

    RobG

    “Instead we get guys in suits who look like second-hand car salesmen, and anyone ‘real’ who comes along is immediately trashed by the media.”

    ____________________________

    I know you’re just on here for the laughs, but still…..

    How ‘real’ are you, as a matter of fact?

    Your website tells us you’re currently “resting” somewhere in Burgundy. And you’re doing a heck of a lot of posting on here and on other fora while most other people are working to earn a crust or two for themselves and their families..

    How ‘real’ is that?

  • Habbabkuk (La vita e' bella)

    “It does not surprise me in the least that those who might support the non-politically correct might also be the supporters of fascists in Ukraine.”

    __________________________

    Mr Goss has followed the discussions on Ukraine and Russia for long enough to know that most people on here oppose fascism in Ukraine and everywhere else – except, of course, in Russia.

    PS – does anyone know which European city will be hosting the next general meeting of European fascist and far-right political parties? Presumably it won’t be St Petersburg again…?

  • Habbabkuk (La vita e' bella)

    Mary

    Yup, no need to spend time counting, that’s five in a row!

    Thought I’d let you save your energy for another bit of cuttin-and-pasting, hope that’s OK with you.

  • fred

    “I hope to God you are never called onto a jury……”

    I’m not stupid enough to think Nicola is the only politician in Britain to tell the truth especially after her performance at the debate.

    I wouldn’t count the word of a politician as evidence of anything. it’s just further evidence of the cult status of the SNP that the Nats are convinced she is honest.

  • fred

    “Yes, the SNP are backtracking on trident.”

    Not the only thing they’re backtracking on.

    WHAT DO WE WANT?

    FFA.

    WHEN DO WE WANT IT?

    NOT RIGHT NOW, WAIT WHILE THE PRICE OF OIL GOES UP.

  • Republicofscotland

    At the risk of having this blog’s very own Mary (Whitehouse) accuse me of being smutty, I should like to say that Ms Sturgeon is highly embraceable (and possibly more!)except, perhaps, politically.
    __________________________________

    And heres me thinking,that you’d be more of a Theresa May type guy,you know the type,when something goes wrong like lets say,border patrol immigration,you blame it on someone else.

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