Stunning New Leaked Document 220

A gentleman in a dark trenchcoat has just handed me this minute. I am not going to check the veracity of its contents at all, but I am rather going immediately to publish it.

Mr Carlton-Browne,

I had a phone call from that Peruvian Johnny. No idea what he was saying, some kind of foreigner talk apparently. Anyway it turned out that young Olga the cleaner could speak the language so she translated for me. She is a marvel, Olga. She even takes copies home of everything for me so that if I lose something she’ll have another copy safe and sound.

Anyway, apparently this Peruvian chap had been in Scotland and met up with Alex Salmond, who used to be some sort of local official. He thought that I would like to know that Salmond said he wasn’t big on canapes and despite his name didn’t like smoked salmon. Rather wry that, I thought.

He went on to say that Salmond said he had enormous respect for Nigel Farage, who was very macho, and he would be delighted to see a UKIP government in power after the general election, preferably in coalition with Pegida. Salmond added “thank God nobody knows about this, or they would lynch me. Of course I haven’t told anybody, but I feel perfectly safe revealing it at random to a passing Peruvian I just met.”

The Peruvian chap said before he hung off that of course he was telling me as everybody knows that all foreign ambassadors must by protocol give details of all their transactions to their host governments and that anybody who denied this was a dirty liar, particularly smart-arsed ex-diplomats from Edinburgh. He also added clearly that nobody at all should believe him if he himself denied these conversations had ever taken place.

I thanked him very much for this information. This is a very proper and official government memo, oh yes. It even has acronyms – we shall have to tell R2D2 and SPECTRE before the meeting in Rio about climate change because we are all genuine government people doing important government business, oh yes.

I shan’t put my name on this as it is all jolly secret. If anyone catches us out, just say Olga got lost in translation.

220 thoughts on “Stunning New Leaked Document

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  • Ishmael

    O yes RD, this is all about the human rights of people in Ukraine. Like all the other human rights you defend so well around the world.

    I’m not a 12 year old, and if I was I still don’t think i’d buy it.

  • Ishmael

    Resident Dissident- what an Orwellian use of that term. brilliant, almost witty, as Pinter may put it.

  • Iain Orr

    RD at 1.01 pm – My scenario – Con 297, Lab 247, and LibDem 40 SNP 43 Others 17 – of course left a repeat Con/LD coalition possible. I gave my reasons for thinking that, on balance, the LibDems would prefer Lab this time, reinforcing their claimed role to limit the excesses of either of the biggest parties. There are other factors besides the bare arithmetic: what would Con or Lab be willing to offer (if anything) to get the LibDems on board? What about the mood of surviving LD MPs – who might not even include Clegg?

    However, one only has to tweak my figures slightly further against the Coalition parties – say Con 293, Lab 252, SNP 44 LibDem 37 Others 18 – for a Con/ LibDem deal to look even less likely, even if still, arithmetically possible.

  • John Goss

    Anybody who votes Conservative is voting for war. That is Cameron’s aim, and may happen before the election, so there is no election.

  • Resident Dissident


    In the scenario you suggest I would expect a ConDem coalition supported by the DUP – any background or principles that the LibDems had dissolved a long time ago, and I suspect Clegg may just survive – my guess is his is a seat where the Tory activists will not try too hard and the remaining LibDem activists will all be bussed in. There needs to be a bigger dent made to the Tories in England for things to start moving – if Labour are 30+ seats behind the Tories (which would also mean that they are behind in the public vote) then I’m afraid Cameron will still be calling the shots.

  • Resident Dissident

    “Anybody who votes Conservative is voting for war. That is Cameron’s aim, and may happen before the election, so there is no election.”

    Would you really say this to a Conservative voter on the doorstep? If so perhaps you should let the Left Unity candidate know.

    Let us not forget that Mr Goss has already called for Putin to wage war to defend an as yet undefined homeland.

  • John Goss

    “Let us not forget that Mr Goss has already called for Putin to wage war to defend an as yet undefined homeland.”

    Lying fascist supporter.

    I called for Putin to intervene to protect the populace in a war you support against the Donbas which has already claimed 6,000 lives, the frist civil war since 1921, not started by Putin but your lot. So let’s get things straight.

    However much you try to hide it the sensible on this blog can see your black shirt!

  • Iain Orr

    RD @ 2.24 pm – Thanks for that reminder of he bookies’ current assessment of the field. I’ll revisit my own scenario and accompanying analysis, but won’t be able to do so until late this evening or tomorrow.

  • Resident Dissident

    “not started by Putin but your lot.”

    So the Ukrainian govt ceased its own buildings and military bases in order to start a war?

    Your call to cease the “homeland” came after the current ceasefire was declared Mr Goss – and is in direct contradiction of Left Unity’s stated policy. Fascist is as fascist does – not as it is defined by you and your KGB chums I’m afraid. I could also point to your links to a specific racist webpage in response to my link to Rationalwiki or your Holodomor denial, or your links to all that anti-Semitic shit that you favour. I’m afraid being called a blackshirt by the likes of creatures such as yourself Mr Goss is something of a compliment in my eyes.

  • Resident Dissident

    BTW – you have still fialed to define the limits of “defensive” war you are calling on Putin to wage – let us not forget Hitler was similarly reluctant to do so when he went to protect his homelands. Is Kharkiv part of the homeland, Kyiv, Lviv, Warsaw??

  • Resident Dissident

    “Tomorrow, April 7, the State Duma or lower house of parliament will review the issue of stripping deputy Ilya Ponomarev of his immunity, reports.

    Ponomarev, a former member of the Just Russia party who remained in its Duma faction was the only member of the Russian parliament to vote against the annexation of the Crimea in March 2014. Since then, he has experienced enormous vilification in the state media and hate campaigns in social media, but has continued to speak out, notably pointing the finger at the Kremlin over the assassination of opposition leader Boris Nemtsov.

    Today on Moscow’s central thoroughfare, Tverskaya Boulevard, a large poster of Ponomarev has been hung out from a building saying he received $700,000 for lectures.”

    I’m sure Mr Goss will approve – but others may find such public vilification of those who dissent rather reminiscent of the real blackshirts.

  • lysias

    Part of my job when I was stationed in Berlin during the Cold War was to read the party newspaper of East Germany, Neues Deutschland. Media in the West increasingly resemble that publication. (I was going to say “defunct publication,” but I read on Wikipedia that it is still being published, now associated with the German left-wing party Die Linke.)

  • John Goss

    What would you know about dissent. Even your mask is a lie. You are not a dissenter but an approver of everything the status quo stands for (including warmonger Cameron). You approve of what he approves of and both support the illegal coup government in Kiev, which the residents of Donbas did not, and do not. So your lot bombed the living daylights out of them. Nice people you support. Hey? Like you they are liars. They started the war a year ago. You, and your fellow blackshirts must be very happy with what you’ve achieved, as well as ruining the economy of the country. I guess you must have supported Mrs Thatcher’s friend Pinochet as well.

  • Resident Dissident

    Nope never supported Pinochet – in fact I went to a number of demonstrations outside the Chilean embassy.

    Strangely enough I never saw Putin or his friends there

    I wonder were they got the idea for the flat rate 13% income tax from (is that in the Left Unity manifesto?)

    My dissent is to ersatz lefties such as yourself who have since 1917 done so much to disgrace and put back the cause of socialism. If Orwell were alive to day he would be making mincemeat out of you and your ilk.

  • Resident Dissident

    And still goosestep Johnny will not spell out the limits of the invasion he supports.

  • John Goss

    And not just Cameron. Churchill too. You are a slimeball fascist supporter RD. I linked Churchill’s Indian Holodomor and you dismissed it with a cursory sentence. It was more than “unfortunate” it was diabolical.

  • Resident Dissident

    Goosestep Johnny

    I didn’t dismiss anything – and I certainly never denied it as you did the Ukrainian Holodomor. I appreciate that died in the blood anti semites and Rothschild conspirators such as you have it in for Churchill but he did lead this country when we were standing up alone against Nazi Germany – while you would have no doubt been supporting the Molotov Ribbentrop pact – and for that I am eternally greatful, as are most Russians.

  • John Goss

    You didn’t understand the Ukrainian Holodomor until I gave you a proper link. And you see what a liar you are calling me an anti-semite – something else you don’t understand the meaning of. Palestinians are Semites too. Neither am I anti-Jewish. Yes, there is a problem with Rothschild banks robbing the world. They are in so much shit that they are about to bankroll another world war. At the end of this one if there are any survivors they must make sure these people never rise again. It just shows what a fascist supporter you are not understanding that the Rothschilds have supported wars and overthrows since the days of Cecil Rhodes.

  • Republicofscotland

    The Secretary of State for anywhere but Scotland, Alistair Carmichael,admitted today that the offending memo,arose in the Scotland Office,when questioned,why, Carmichael replied.

    “These things happen” or words to that effect.

    A quite astonishing reply from a supposed representative of Scotland.

  • Habbabkuk (La vita e' bella)


    “Habba, I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: you lot will all eventually be put on trial, and no doubt the outcome will be that most of you will be put up against a wall and shot.

    You understand this just as much as me.”

    You wish, Rob. A more likely scenario is that should there ever be a nation-threatening crisis in the UK, it is people like you who might just attract a degree of attention which will both surprise and dismay you. Assuming you’re back from Burgundy, of course 🙂

  • Habbabkuk (La vita e' bella)


    You are fond of posting on UK affairs.

    What do you think of the following from Mr Goss:

    “Anybody who votes Conservative is voting for war. That is Cameron’s aim, and may happen before the election, so there is no election.”?

    Do you agree that there might be a war (presumably over Ukraine, he means) before the UK election, thus cancelling the election?

  • Resident Dissident

    Goosestep Johnny

    Let me assure you that the only thing I got from your links was a rather dirty feeling – did you really believe the one claiming that Stalin was a Rothschild?

  • Dave Hansell


    In the locale where I reside there is a popular eating establishment specialising in seafood and potato’s cooked in a French style.

    For some years they had had a now elderly gentleman working there with a pronounced transatlantic accent with a definate Southern drawl who swears he is a once internationally famous singing and entertainment artiste who regularly appeared at venues in Las Vegas and who has been believed to be dead for many years.

    However, I believe him to be an illegal immigrant as he has confided in me that he is desperate to vote Conservative in the coming election but in inelligible to vote in UK elections.

    Do you think if I submitted this story to the Daily Telegraph it would be published or do you think the story would stand a better chance of publication if it came from the Foreign Office?

  • Resident Dissident

    Dave Hansell

    I’d tell Tony Opmoc first – though don’t be too upset if he calls you a scumbag and a cheap lousy maggot.

  • Iain Orr

    RD – Your 2.16 pm post reminded me that Cameron can pick up 8 DUP votes; and instead of my scenario – Con 297, Lab 247, LibDem 40, SNP 43, Others 17 – your 2.24 pm post invited me to address the scenario suggested by the current spread-bet website.

    That was helpful. My initial pot-shot may have over-estimated the ability of LD limpets to hang on where they have a foothold, however stormy the weather. I still see that as a factor; and am also influenced by the Ashcroft polling which found Lab inroads into some Con seats in England with a 6% to 8% majority in 2010.

    The latest spread-bet mid-values (which do not cover N Ireland) give this scenario: Con 286 Lab 270 SNP 42 LibDem 24 UKIP 5 Plaid 3 Green 1 (to which I add 1 Ind and 1 Speaker). Let’s then add the 17 N Ireland seats: DUP 8 SF 5 SDLP 3 Alliance 1. As you say, a far trickier scenario for analyzing what government might result. My calculation, keeping the bisexual LibDems out of the picture (and denying the DUP its bisexual negotiating ploy) produces two sums, both minorities:

    Con: 286 + UKIP 5, DUP 8 = 299
    Lab: 270 + SNP (“c. and supply”) 42, PC 3, SDLP 3, Green 1, Alliance 1 = 320

    On these figures, Con would be down 20 seats on 2010 and Lab would be up 12 seats. That momentum would be more important than absolute figures in of seats or the overall popular vote. In such circumstances I see it far more likely that the LibDems’ 24 votes would go to support a relatively stable minority Lab government rather than a Con one that was obviously unstable from the start. (What was the LibDem logic for the 2010 Coalition? “Stability to deal with a national crisis”.)

    These are imagined scenarios; and a month is an exceptionally long time in politics. However, what do you (or others) find flawed in my arithmetic or political logic?

  • Habbabkuk (La vita e' bella)

    David Hansell

    The former, of course. One would be a fool to pay more attention to the FCO’s word than to yours.

  • Habbabkuk (La vita e' bella)

    Resident Dissident

    Of course he hasn’t got a list.

    You must understand that the bugger’s bored stiff in his Burgundy exile and probably hasn’t got the price of a British newspaper (they come expensive abroad) – he’s just having what passes for fun.

    Take a gander at his website – the guy’s a parasite.

  • Resident Dissident


    I think that Tories would be asked to try and form a Govt first – and if Clegg and Laws were still around, I am not sure that their logic of the previous time would cut much ice ( if you remember last time what they said in the election re deficit reduction and tuition fees was very swiftly jettisoned), so I would still expect them to go with the Tories (still the largest party, continue the work we started blah, blah, blah). I also think that you might underestimate the degree of hostility there is in the Labour Party towards the LibDems (some of which even goes back to the SDP) – they certainly would be offered very little as a starting position and they would want Clegg’s head on a platter just as they got Gordon Brown’s last time.

    I then wouldn’t be surprised if some short term deal was offered to the SNP (which they would reject at their peril – not a responsible party jeopardising the economic stability of the whole country etc. etc.) The Tories of course would be looking for the opportunity to blame instability on others and go for a repeat election.

    Re the Lib Dems and the Tories it will be interesting to see how far each party goes in burning bridges in their manifestoes and campaigning.

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