Stunning New Leaked Document 220

A gentleman in a dark trenchcoat has just handed me this minute. I am not going to check the veracity of its contents at all, but I am rather going immediately to publish it.

Mr Carlton-Browne,

I had a phone call from that Peruvian Johnny. No idea what he was saying, some kind of foreigner talk apparently. Anyway it turned out that young Olga the cleaner could speak the language so she translated for me. She is a marvel, Olga. She even takes copies home of everything for me so that if I lose something she’ll have another copy safe and sound.

Anyway, apparently this Peruvian chap had been in Scotland and met up with Alex Salmond, who used to be some sort of local official. He thought that I would like to know that Salmond said he wasn’t big on canapes and despite his name didn’t like smoked salmon. Rather wry that, I thought.

He went on to say that Salmond said he had enormous respect for Nigel Farage, who was very macho, and he would be delighted to see a UKIP government in power after the general election, preferably in coalition with Pegida. Salmond added “thank God nobody knows about this, or they would lynch me. Of course I haven’t told anybody, but I feel perfectly safe revealing it at random to a passing Peruvian I just met.”

The Peruvian chap said before he hung off that of course he was telling me as everybody knows that all foreign ambassadors must by protocol give details of all their transactions to their host governments and that anybody who denied this was a dirty liar, particularly smart-arsed ex-diplomats from Edinburgh. He also added clearly that nobody at all should believe him if he himself denied these conversations had ever taken place.

I thanked him very much for this information. This is a very proper and official government memo, oh yes. It even has acronyms – we shall have to tell R2D2 and SPECTRE before the meeting in Rio about climate change because we are all genuine government people doing important government business, oh yes.

I shan’t put my name on this as it is all jolly secret. If anyone catches us out, just say Olga got lost in translation.

220 thoughts on “Stunning New Leaked Document

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  • Tony_0pmoc

    You “liberal” politicians are probably not going to like this..well delete it if you want..but well most if not all of it is true, and of course I am not claiming it hAs any political value..

    It just is what it is..

    Both my wife and I are actually rather conservative…but when we were younger and maybe even now..well when we were really young in our 20’s we didn’t think anything of the appropraite place of course..and sure we had both done it before..but she saw it..a Massive Wood Carving of The Sun With a Mirror in The Middle of It…She said I Really Want It…

    But it was Rather Expensive..and The Festival Was on The River Thames..and unlike Previous Years..when it had been Really Hot and loads of People were doing it..I asked her…She can swim…

    She Stripped Off Completely Naked and Jumped Straight In…

    My Girl, My Wife is Something Else and The Massive Sun ..Wooden Carving with Mirror is Just Above Me Now…

    If You Can Find a Girl Like That…

    well i did..she is my wife and maybe i tell everyone about her a bit..and they all think i am in some mental hospital talking about my nurse…

    and maybe I am..bring em on…

    we all think we know something and I admit I know and am nothing..but when I saw her..i just knew..i wanted her to be my girlfriend…but how could i ask her..she was so beautiful..She invited me into her Bedroom..I Looked Again at Her..I looked at Her Record Collection..She asked..could I fix her Record Player…i said well ok..but will you come out with me on a date..she said ok.

    i guess we both gradually grew in confidence..cos I did tell her…and she asked..well we want todo a you know anyone…so I aked him..there might have been 6 of us sat around on my table in my house..and her best mate from school got out this ouijja thing..and we were all around this table..playing this games spelling it all out..all these words and stuff. she alrady knew er best friend was mine..and all this stuff came out..and I don’t think any of the 4, 5 or 6 were cheating..and the glass did fly between all the ktetters on it…We al put our fingers on it )and I honestly didn’t this thing was going to work…I was really not expecting this..I did know my Girlfriend’s Best School Friend was a Practicing…well . I didn’t think it would work..But it dId)

    She is Lovely…and she sends me the most Beautiful if she has painted them herself 9actually its my sister who does that..I think She is Happy For Her Best School friend and well not even thinking,,She Knows how much I love her and she knows how much she loves me

    We even made Beautiful Children Together

    but it seems that some girls are destined to be nuns..or nearly the Cof E equivalent…look I didn’t fancy the earthly spiritual witch..i fancied her mate…


  • Tony_0pmoc

    You think, I am posting here to score some positive or negative point..cos I am not..I know what our future is going to be like…but I think I personnaly can handle it..well if I have got my girl with me…but what if she dies before me..but even so we are just 2 people on this planet..and you all think you can do Nothing To Change what is happening….

    How will just my vote make the slightest difference to anything?

    I am only Posting Here..cos I Like Craig Murray.

    I Think He is a Good Man…#

    But How Can Craig Murray Change Anything

    Yet He Already Has…

    Craig Murray Stood Up To These Evil Cunts…Torturing and Boiling People ALIVE

    The British Ambassador To Uzbekistan

    He Said Well not In My Name I am British. We Don’t Do That…

    Now That is Real Balls…

    That is Real Courage

    We do notice things like that.

    Thank You Craig Murray

    You Inspire Us.


  • Tony_0pmoc

    What We Need To Understand is Yes The American Neocons are Complete Psychos..Yes they can all go along and bomb Most of The World..and us Europeans sort of tag along…oh FFS what is a few more bombs on Iraq, Afghanistan or Libya…Yeh we will have some of Your American Drones we can bomb these people by remote control too..yeh..lets go and blow another load of ragheads wedding away too…

    But what these cunts don’t realise..that us in The UK…Do Not Approve…Now You American Cunts..can you please stop fucking up our British Empire…Please..just be nice. Please Behave…

    Or we will not be Happy..We in The UK May Get Very Angry With You Lunatics in Washington

    Don’t You Think We Know All Your Names and Where You Live,,

    Don’t You Think The British Armed Forces Can’t Personally Take You Out …


    We Do Not Want a Nuclear War With Russia

    We Just Want To Arrest You and Put You On Trial For War Crimes Against Humanity….

    How Do You Plead??

    I have got my girl on my side..and she thinks you are not very nice either.


  • DavidH

    How this document came to be created and published is certainly an astonishing story. But surely it’s true that the SNP should be rooting for a Tory win at the next election, if they are committed to an independent Scotland and if another Tory government in London is the quickest way to achieve that.

  • Resident Dissident

    “With regards to Hitler and Churchill
    It was the Nazi fighting the Nazi”

    Stupid in the extreme – but you still of course duck and divert from Putin’s support for Molotov Ribbentrop which is of course the original intention.

  • Mary

    Parties Ready For Fight Over Living Standards
    Britain’s major parties are expected to do battle over the economy as political leaders attack the policies of their rivals.

    30 more days of photo ops with babies, bunnies, lambs and anything else with the ‘ah’ factor.

  • Ishmael

    Leafleting again today.

    I guess I understand as I have been very blind. But I get a bit pissed at this ineffectual “Meh vote Greens” attitude. And to imply no difference between a vote for them and the other two is contemptible.

    Syriza got to WIN in two tries, what could we do with a Green party in that time?. Surely we could make them a big player in British politics at least, and surely we need to have them as that anyway. And they certainly deserve it.

    And no, don’t just vote, pathetic lazy ****S, support them. There is a big difference. If your responsibility ends at a marked cross in a ballot box then i’d hate to think what irresponsibility is. See the current situation perhaps.

  • Resident Dissident

    “Blair’s hand gestures which display the distal hyperextensibility of his thumbs have always annoyed me.”

    Any other genetic features that annoy you?

  • YouKnowMyName


    “Think about it: they now have agents on comment threads to try and make you believe that black is white and down is up.”

    Yes, I can see that they have mapped out every possible discussion area and have a rapid response team to defuse/degrade/deny a cogent commentator. All to prevent seeds to an eventual ‘viral’ event.

    A typical ‘calming’ intelligence community comeback can be seen here

    An online posted ‘truth’ is riposted by “truth” within an hour, I concede that the first might be a Putin-bot, but statistically there are millions of times more more real digital citizens online than paid proselytisers.

    If I recall correctly the “Cold War” was based upon CIA deliberate lies to the various US presidents, keeping the artificial East/West divisions; as they had already stolen the USSR battle plans, accurately gauged the Soviet military threat, but they lied for decades to avoid budget cuts, diminution of the MIC, documentedly.

    I’m puzzled by the Peruvian chappie in Craig’s story above? Is that a reference to Paddington Bear?

    Ishmael, person or puppet, Vote for whoever you wish… Remember that in SpyCatcher Peter Wright mentioned that MI5 could & did reconcile the serial numbers of the ballots cast with the identity of the castee.. I did ask about this in a polling booth last time I voted and was fobbed-off with the “theoretically possible but would be too much work” line. I now remain neutral, but like to document the debate whilst following the news.

  • Mary

    RD Reread that. ‘Hand gestures’ I said. Also any other NLP acquired skills that BLiar displays in speech and otherwise.

  • John Goss

    “Syriza got to WIN in two tries, what could we do with a Green party in that time?.”

    I agree Ishmael. And where the Green Party is standing candidates who are also anti-austerity they are being supported by Left Unity, the new sister party to Syriza, for whom I was out leafleting at the weekend. 🙂

  • Mary

    Too true.

    Israel: Lying abroad for your country
    By: Karl Sabbagh
    3 April, 2015

    By failing to analyse and understand the rationale behind Israel’s propaganda, Western media is complicit in its lies.

    The 16th and 17th century English author and diplomat Henry Wotton described an ambassador as someone “sent abroad to lie for his country”.

    Nowadays, the principle of “lying abroad” enables Israel to hammer home its message and drown out that of the Palestinians throughout Western media.

    It is not surprising that nations use propaganda to cover up their sins. What is surprising is that so-called intelligent, informed journalists report Israel’s fabricated stories time and again, and rarely dig deeper.

    Even worse, when the truth becomes known weeks, months or years later, it is buried in NGO reports or academic papers and rarely gets reported at all.

    It may seem naive to complain about this – surely no government tells the truth?


  • Iain Orr

    My analysis of the best result for the SNP from the May General Election is from someone who admires Sturgeon as an honest and effective politician, even though I would vote “No” in another referendum on Scottish independence.

    In essence, it is entirely consistent for Nicola Sturgeon to say she would not support a Conservative government in any form; to make clear she would be ready to support a Labour minority government on a confidence and supply basis; and yet to believe that it would be better for the SNP if the outcome of this election were to be another government with David Cameron as PM. [Let me make it clear that I do not think Nicola Sturgeon would ever say that to the French Ambassador or anyone else, any more than Prince Charles would ever say in public that he wished the Queen would die sooner rather than later.]

    The logic is this. It is in the immediate and long-term interests of the SNP to have a large majority of Scottish MPs. In order to achieve that, since currently Labour holds 46 of the 54 Scottish constituencies – it is important for the SNP to be able to argue, convincingly, against Labour’s slogan: “Vote SNP and get Cameron”. The indications Sturgeon has already given – clearer than from any other party leader – on how the SNP would be guided in the event of a hung parliament, are crucial to her appeal: “Voting SNP is just as good at preventing a Conservative victory as voting Labour; with the advantage that it also guards against a majority Labour Government, which would be bound to take an anti-Scottish line on many issues in order to guard its flanks against attack by Conservative Little-Englanders.

    That SNP position ties its hands. It would destroy SNP credibility if in any major vote (confidence, budget, Trident, welfare reform) it were to do anything other than vote against a Cameron-led government, whether majority Conservative, coalition or minority. So, look at this plausible scenario on 8/9 May (after the recounts):

    A Scotland’s 59 seats are divided: SNP 43, Lab 10, LibDem 4, Con 2
    B Overall no change in minor parties in Wales and N Ireland
    C Changes in England: Con gain 10 seats from LibDem, lose 4 to UKIP and lose 20 to Labour
    D As for 2010, with the Speaker and Sinn Fein out of the equation, 323 votes are needed to form a stable government.

    The result would be:: Con 297, Lab 247, LibDem 40 SNP 43 Others 17

    Conservatives would have the largest number of seats but all three main parties would have done worse than in 2010. The likeliest outcome would be a Lab minority or a Lab/LibDem minority coalition; in either case reliant on SNP “confidence and supply”. (Although another Con/LibDem coalition would be possible in theory, surely LibDem turkeys would spot another Christmas on the horizon. With rebels in both parties’ ranks, a notional Con/LibDem majority of 14 would be too small to make a repeat coalition feasible.)

    But would that outcome – dependent on SNP votes – really suit the SNP? Credit for leading a successful government would provide the basis for a Labour recovery in Scotland; and the SNP would take much blame for a failed Labour-led government, even if SNP votes finally brought the government down. By contrast, a Cameron-led government (whether minority or another coalition) would leave more cards in the SNP’s hands – as the majority party in Scotland – both on Westminster policies affecting Scotland and on securing another referendum, this time with a far greater chance of success.

  • Ishmael

    Ahh yea, Great stuff John.

    Myself I haven’t done much like this in the past, explicitly political, and most the above comment was aimed more generally. I’m sure most on here have done more than me.

    Anyway it was lovely today, glorious sunshine. And all the dogs where way to slow to get me.

    It’s really good to hear left Unity are doing this. +++

  • Institutional

    It’s about now we will find out who has made a pact with the devil Murdoch, stand by for a telling Sun headline – which will it be, a “Winston Silcott” screamer or a Baker “pedophile” exposé ??!

  • Ishmael

    We where actually discussing, and I believe it could be, that Greens could take over labour in quite a short time.

    Future jobs are going to be in the green economy, and who supports this transition more than the Greens? And the fact is in our modern society work is going to have to be considered differently, we simply don’t need everyone working 40 hours a week, and it’s never going to happen. And it’s shouldn’t happen, it’s irresponsible thinking. Head in the clouds stuff really.

  • Resident Dissident

    Oh well it must be true if it says so in Pravda – good to see Mr Goss keeping up the old traditions. He’ll be telling us next that Mr Putin supports the Left Unity policy of

    “No foreign intervention in Ukraine whether political, economic or military” – but perhaps first he could tell us where Novorossiya ends and Ukraine starts?

  • fred

    In the event of a close result I think the best outcome, for Britain and the people, would be a Labour/Conservative coalition or vice versa. Why shouldn’t the majority get something? Why can’t they all work together for a better future?

    Sit down with the list of manifesto promises and do some horse trading. At least two thirds of the country get half of what they wanted instead of half getting none of what they wanted.

  • Ishmael

    RD, why don’t you just leave Putin alone. I don’t like him much but western actions make him look like a saint.

    Nato should note even exist, let alone be on the Russian border supporting fascists ffs. Where do you get off.

  • Ishmael

    “the best outcome, for Britain and the people, would be a Labour/Conservative coalition”


    What can you even say to that.

  • Ishmael

    What have they done over the last 40 years? For “the people”. What a crock of shit.

    Why don’t you peddle this nonsense to, O I don’t know, the headless horsemen perhaps. Or the Recently deceased…

  • Resident Dissident

    “The result would be:: Con 297, Lab 247, LibDem 40 SNP 43 Others 17

    Conservatives would have the largest number of seats but all three main parties would have done worse than in 2010. The likeliest outcome would be a Lab minority or a Lab/LibDem minority coalition; ”

    The likeliest outcome in this situation would be another ConDem coalition – with Ramsey McClegg even further emasculated. Sturgeon would love it, because the immediate suffering of the Scottish people could then be used as the basis for campaigning for another referendum at the next Scottish Parliament elections.

    I think you will find that even if Labour were to lead the Government after the election then the SNP might try to play the same game or engineer confrontations where the Govt is seen not to be giving in to demands for measures that are popular in Scotland – although this will be a harder game given that Labour will also be seeking to court popularity there while at the same time not upsetting its support elsewhere.

    From what I have from Craig I very much doubt he would diverge much from such an analysis.

    Those with more than a cursory knowledge or of Scottish politics or his history will know that Nicola is very far from being the sweet innocent above the Westminster fray. I suspect that there is more than one copy of the Prince on Les Sturgeon’s bookshelves.

  • Resident Dissident

    “RD, why don’t you just leave Putin alone.”

    It’s two little things called international solidarity and defending human rights which I don’t expect you to understand.

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